I’m going to share some brutal honesty and openness here.
A few nights ago, everything almost came crashing down.
I got a text from a girl I used to hook up with. I had long ago deleted numbers from my phone, but I knew who it was. It wasn’t even anything suggestive. It was a simple, “Hey, what’s up?”
But if you’ve ever been in the hookup scene, you know what a text at midnight saying, “Hey, what’s up?” means.
That quickly, my mind went right back into my addiction. A million thoughts went through my mind in a matter of a few seconds. I started trying to rationalize it in my mind. “Yeah, I’ve been good, what’s one little slip up?” “After all these years, you still got it. Girls still want you.” The thoughts raced as to how I could get out of the house, what I could do, where I could go. My minds eye went back into the bank and brought up all the thoughts and images of times when I had done this before and how fun and exciting it was. I loved the risk, the adventure, the ego trip.
I deleted the text and blocked the number within three seconds.
But that fast… in the blink of an eye… I was right back there.
I almost gave it all up. All of my hard work, my determination, my sweat and tears, years of rebuilding trust, thousands in counseling, my credibility, my reputation, my testimony, my marriage, it was almost all gone in a flash.
I could have thrown everything away for just a few minutes of selfish pleasure.
Praise God I had the strength to fight off the temptation and the attack that the enemy threw at me. Not all that long ago, I wouldn’t have had the strength to resist. I would have given in.
It’s amazing how quickly the enemy can destroy us; how quickly all of our hard work can be for nothing.
On the road to recovery and redemption, the enemy will put a target on your back. He will be creative with ways to try to destroy you.
1 Peter 5:8
“Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.”
He wants to bring you down. He wants you controlled by addiction. He wants you weak and susceptible.
When he tempted Jesus in the wilderness in Luke 4, how did Jesus respond?
We are to do the same:
“So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come close to God, and God will come close to you.”
When you are tempted, when the devil tries to bring you down, fight back with scripture. Put your mind and your thoughts immediately into the Word. Come close to God, and God will come close to you.
God came close to me and gave me the strength to resist the devil.
He’ll be back…
But I’ll be ready.