How To Avoid A Quarantine Relapse

It’s amazing how quickly the world can change. 

A few weeks ago, we were going about our lives in a relatively normal manner, and now many of us are confined to an at-home quarantine to avoid spreading the COVID-19 virus.  

As for me, I’m still working.  People aren’t going to stop dying and someone has to bury them.  So here I am. The joys of being a funeral director.

Anyway, many of you are off work and/or school and have found yourselves at home under quarantine with a whole lot of time on your hands.

For a porn addict, this is a critically dangerous time.

Sitting around with nothing to do and nowhere to go is a relapse waiting to happen. You have to be vigilant and alert in order to avoid having all your hard work fall apart. 

Here are some ways to avoid a quarantine relapse:

  1. Keep Busy

You need to keep yourself active during this time.  Sleeping in late and laying around in sweatpants watching Netflix is going to lead you to act out.  If you’re too bored, eventually you will let your guard down and temptation will get the best of you.  

This will be a great time to: 

-Write that book you’ve been meaning to write

-Start an online side hustle

-Read the books gathering dust on your shelves

-Prepare yourself and family for any emergencies

-Finally tackle that at-home to-do list.  

-Workout at home

The last one leads us to the next point…

  1. Stay Active

Keep your body moving.  Don’t allow yourself to get lazy.  This is a quarantine, not a vacation.  Participate in some sort of physical activity every day

There’s a ton of “At-Home Workout” plans being sent out right now.  Many for free! Find one and get started.

You could play with your kids.   This is a perfect time to have some bonding time with your children.  Go out in the backyard and play catch or go for a walk. 

  1. Avoid Alone Time

Porn addicts get into trouble when we have too much time alone.  Try to avoid being home alone where you would have opportunities to relapse.  

  1. Keep In Contact With Your Support Group

Don’t let the Coronavirus quarantine put you in isolation.  Your support group meetings may have been canceled, but that doesn’t mean you have to lose contact.  Call or text your accountability partners. Try to organize a group skype meeting to continue to support and pray for one another.  

  1. Take Time To Pray and Meditate

I’ve often found the more I spend time with God the less likely I am to be tempted to relapse.  The opposite is true as well. The longer I go without prayer and meditation the weaker I become.  

Take the time every day (You have plenty of time now, so no excuses) and get deep into God’s Word.  If you feel tempted, go right to Him. Pour out your heart to Him. He will take away your temptations, your fears, and your anxieties.  


We don’t know how long this quarantine or the Coronavirus crisis will last.  Things are changing very rapidly. But if you’re not prepared, you’re a relapse waiting to happen.  Stress and anxiety are one of the main causes of porn addiction and also of relapse.  

Stay calm. Stay Active. Stay Alert.  Don’t let this unprecedented situation cause you to lose all the progress you’ve made. 

You got this brother.  We’re in this together.  As always, if you’re struggling, reach out.  Shoot me an email. DM me on Twitter. I’m always here to help and pray with you.


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Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

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I Offer One-On-One Coaching

If at any point you feel like you need a brother to come alongside you and support you, I’ll be there.  I’d be happy to get on a call with you to provide personal guidance to create a plan to fight your addiction and accountability to keep you on track.  I’ve already helped dozens of men overcome their addictions; all who thought they were helpless.  I’ve discovered that every battle with porn shares the same few threads that, once unraveled, release you from the chains of addiction.  I’d love for you to be the next success story!

Please don’t hesitate to contact me at timothy@intothewildernessblog.com or Direct Message me on Twitter if one-on-one coaching could help in your battle to live Porn Free.

Make Your Bed

In a now-famous commencement address given at the University of Texas in 2014, Admiral William H. McRaven told the graduates if they wanted to change the world, to start by making their bed.

If you make your bed every morning you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It will give you a small sense of pride, and it will encourage you to do another task and another and another. By the end of the day, that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed. Making your bed will also reinforce the fact that little things in life matter. If you can’t do the little things right, you will never do the big things right.”

What a profound statement.  Making your bed is such a small, simple task, but it has great repercussions throughout the day.  

If you want an easy change to drastically improve the efficiency of your life, establish morning and evening routines.

Beginning your day with a routine not only establishes good habits to start your day, but it also achieves small accomplishments that you can build on throughout the day.  So even if your day gets shot to hell by lunch, you have at a minimum accomplished these small tasks.

In the same way, ending your day with an evening routine provides a proper close to your day and prepares you for bed.

Here are my morning and evening routines:

Morning:

-Glass of water

-Stretch

-Mini workout

-Coffee

-Devotions

Bedtime:

-Stretch

-Bible reading

-Prayer/meditation

-Journaling

-Read a book

Notice there’s nothing monumental there.  Just simple tasks that take less than a half-hour of my time.  Not only do they get my day started and ended right, but they also ensure I’m creating healthy habits as well.

A glass of water each morning boosts your metabolism.  Stretching gets your muscles activated and keeps you limber.  My mini-workout gets my heart pumping and builds muscle. Coffee needs no explanation.  It’s coffee! And my devotions ensure my day begins with encouragement from God.

FYI, my mini-workout consists of:

-25 Pushups

-25 Sit-ups

-25 Squats

-25 repeat one of the above

At night, stretching helps to relax your muscles before bed.  Reading my Bible along with prayer and meditation allows me to end my day the way I began it, with God.  Journaling lets me clear my mind and focus my thoughts. Lastly, reading a book before bed is so much better than staring at my phone and consuming all that blue light.  

Routines build strong habits and establish consistent achievements.  We build on these small victories throughout our day to tackle larger tasks.  We then end the day on a positive note, clearing our minds and preparing for rest.

Then before you know it, as Admiral McRaven said, “You can change the world.”


Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

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I Offer One-On-One Coaching

If at any point you feel like you need a brother to come alongside you and support you, I’ll be there.  I’d be happy to get on a call with you to provide personal guidance to create a plan to fight your addiction and accountability to keep you on track.  I’ve already helped dozens of men overcome their addictions; all who thought they were helpless.  I’ve discovered that every battle with porn shares the same few threads that, once unraveled, release you from the chains of addiction.  I’d love for you to be the next success story!

Please don’t hesitate to contact me at timothy@intothewildernessblog.com or Direct Message me on Twitter if one-on-one coaching could help in your battle to live Porn Free.

Are You Prepared To Die?

If there is one thing I know about in life, it’s death.  

I have been working at funeral homes since I was a teenager.  I’m a licensed funeral director and embalmer. I’ve seen death at its most heartbreaking and I’ve seen death be a beautiful thing. I’ve seen a lot in the almost 18 years I’ve been working in the death industry, but there is one thing that never fails to surprise me.

Most people are not prepared to die.

Now, obviously, most people don’t want their end to come for a very long time, but I’m not talking about that.  What I want to discuss is how few people are prepared to die. 

Many people have no plan in place to deal with a death in their immediate family.  They have no financial means to cover major expenses if the main breadwinner dies. There are no arrangements made for a funeral and burial.  They are not prepared emotionally to cope with losing someone they love.

Most people simply refuse to talk about death. Then when death does come, they’re caught completely off guard and unprepared to deal with it emotionally, financially, and spiritually. 

If death came for you tomorrow, are you ready?

It’s our job as men to be prepared.  It’s our responsibility to plan for the worst.  We are the providers and protectors of our families.  There must be a plan in place if we are no longer capable of being that leader.

We have to ask ourselves these tough questions and talk about these challenging issues if we are going to be the type of leaders our families need.

Do you have a plan to provide for your family if something happened to you? 

As a man, it’s your responsibility to provide for your family, even if you are in the grave.  You must have a plan in place to provide and care for those you leave behind. 

I know it’s not easy but sit down with your wife and discuss what decisions and arrangements you can make in case the worst were to happen.

Purchase a life insurance policy.  It absolutely amazes me how few people own life insurance policies. Then when someone dies, not only do they have to deal with the grief, they have to worry about how to pay bills and cover basic living expenses, let alone the cost of a funeral. You can get term life insurance very inexpensively.  

Make sure you have a will, a living will, and power of attorney.  You need to prepare for what happens to everything you own if you were to die.  Also, you need to have a plan in place if you are incapacitated. What if you aren’t killed but terribly injured and unable to work?

Get your finances in order.  Don’t leave your family with thousands of dollars of debt when you die.  Take the steps you need to take now to ensure your financial situation is not a disaster if something were to happen to you.  This is just good life advice as well as death advice. Get out of needless debt, keep good records of bank accounts and investments, and make sure your wife knows how to handle your finances.  Too many men handle 100% of the finances and if they die, their wife won’t even know how to pay the phone bill. 

Plan your own funeral.  Many people I meet with pre-plan and even pre-pay for their own funerals.  There is a great financial benefit to doing so. But the most important thing is to let your family know what your wishes are if you were to pass away.  Do you want to be buried or cremated? Are there cemetery plots? What kind of funeral or memorial service do you want? So many families are left guessing when someone dies, and they have no idea what they would have wanted.

These are all things you can do to make sure your family is cared for in the event of your death.

Have you lived a life you want to be remembered for?

If you were to meet your end, what would people say about you?  Would they say you lived a good life, were a good father and husband and left the world a better place than when you entered it?  Or would they say something a little less flattering?

I work way too many funerals in which the only thing people remember about the life of a person is that they were a huge fan of a football team or they loved fishing. 

Be remembered for something more.  Leave a legacy. Make a difference.  Instill the values you hold dear into your children, or they will die with you. 

What changes can you make in your life in order to leave an impression long after you’re gone? 

Think about what people would say about you at your funeral.  What qualities about you would be written in your obituary?

In fact, I challenge you to write your own obituary.  Then post it somewhere where you’ll see it often. Use it as a reminder to live a life that will be remembered.  Allow it to push you to be better.

Are you ready to meet your maker?

We’ve talked about how to be prepared for death, but are you prepared for what comes after death?

Do you have your spiritual life in order?  Do you know where you’ll spend eternity?

Get things right between you and God.  When was the last time you read the Bible?  Have you been to church on a Sunday that wasn’t Easter or Christmas? 

There are only two options for your soul after it leaves this earth.  Which path will you take?

We all deserve the path of eternal damnation.  We are born sinners. But Jesus paid the price for our sins so that we might spend eternity with Him.

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.”    – Romans 6:23

The only way to be truly prepared for death is to be prepared for eternal life. 


Every man should be prepared to face death.  By being ready to die allows us to face life with determination and purpose.  We don’t need to worry whether we live a long life or if today is our last day because we’re ready.

As the Boy Scouts motto says, “Be Prepared.”


Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

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I Offer One-On-One Coaching

If at any point you feel like you need a brother to come alongside you and support you, I’ll be there.  I’d be happy to get on a call with you to provide personal guidance to create a plan to fight your addiction and accountability to keep you on track.  I’ve already helped dozens of men overcome their addictions; all who thought they were helpless.  I’ve discovered that every battle with porn shares the same few threads that, once unraveled, release you from the chains of addiction.  I’d love for you to be the next success story!

Please don’t hesitate to contact me at timothy@intothewildernessblog.com or Direct Message me on Twitter if one-on-one coaching could help in your battle to live Porn Free.

Is Porn A Gateway Drug?

Looking back on the many years that I battled with sexual addiction, I sometimes wonder, ”Where did it all begin?”

Was there some traumatic event that sparked it?  When was I first exposed to sexual sin? What got me hooked?

The answer is porn. 

It may have started innocently enough.  I was a hormonal, curious teenager. What teenage boy isn’t?  But I wish I knew then where it would lead me. I didn’t go from being a curious teenager to a compulsive sex addict by chance.  Porn led me there.

So that begs the question;

Is porn a gateway drug?

Absolutely.

Tell me if this scenario sounds familiar:  (I’ll warn you, this gets dark)

It started with just nudes.  Maybe it was a Playboy a relative had.  Or maybe you came across nudes online. Then it went to watching hardcore sex.  Then that wasn’t enough and you started watching kinkier and kinker sex. Then threesomes and orgies.  Then off the wall stuff.  

Eventually, watching porn wasn’t enough.  You desensitized yourself by watching so much porn that it no longer did it for you.  

So you joined chat rooms or webcam sites.  The excitement of talking to a real person on the other end of the internet was intoxicating.  Until it wasn’t.  

So you moved on to dating sites.  The fantasy of actually meeting up with someone was intense!  You’re nervous, you know it’s wrong, but you walk into the bar to meet the girl anyway.  You gave her a fake name and the bar is two towns over because you don’t want to risk running into someone you know. You get to flirting, drinks are flowing, this is exciting.  It’s like you’re a kid again!  

You go back to her place and have sex. It was amazing. It was like losing your virginity all over again.  

But that drive back home was miserable.  You felt guilty. You felt shameful. How could this happen?  How did I get to this point? 

You beat yourself up for days.  You said that’s enough, you’ll never do that again and you threw away or deleted all your porn.  You deleted all the apps and online accounts. You promised you were going to live clean.  

Three days later, you’re right back at it again.  

Now it’s years later. You’re still in the same cycle. You’ve spent thousands of dollars. You may have destroyed your marriage. You’ve had major consequences to your actions but still can’t find freedom. Maybe you even went beyond hookups and went to sex clubs or massage parlors. You went so far as to hire escorts for sex and participated in orgies and threesomes.

You don’t even recognize yourself anymore.  What the hell happened? How could it ever get that bad?  

Many wives and other people affected by the actions of a sex addict often ask how they could do such terrible things.  How could a husband and father risk everything just for a few moments of pleasure?

Because sex addiction is a drug addiction.  We aren’t addicted to the sex or the porn itself.  We’re addicted to the dopamine rush that it provides.  

Instead of dealing with inner emotional wounds and trauma, we seek the quick fix of pleasure from the dopamine rush we get when we look at porn or have sex.  Like any drug, we eventually need more and more of it to achieve the same high.  

This is what leads you down the road from simply looking at nudes online, to engaging in high-risk deviant sexual behavior.  You need more and more of the drug and you’ll go to extreme lengths to get it.  

Now, not every man goes down this vicious spiral.  But many have, including me. What started as just a horny teenager turned into a grown man living a double life of extreme sexual behavior.  

There is a laboratory experiment in which a frog is placed in water heating at the rate of .0036 of a degree Fahrenheit per second and in which, although it never moves, at the end of two and a half hours, the frog is found to be dead. The explanation for this is that the water is heated so gradually that the frog never becomes aware of the rising temperature and is boiled to death without a struggle. If you were to drop him suddenly into hot water, he would splash it all over the place and probably be able to jump out.

That is what has happened to many men.  If you had dropped me into a sexual situation years ago, I would have jumped right out of there.  But instead, the temperature of the porn I was consuming gradually increased until I was fully overtaken by the addiction.  

That is why porn is a gateway drug. 

It may seem innocent.  It may seem just like a bad habit.  But it’s not. It is the springboard for many types of sinful sexual behavior.  It has ended relationships, destroyed marriages, and ruined families.  

Porn is a silent cancer that slowly boils men alive.  

It almost ruined my marriage, my family, and my life.  

By the grace of God, I found healing and overcame the bonds of sexual addiction that started with porn.  

You can too.  

Contact me for help if you’re struggling.  You are not alone. I’m here to help. There are many resources available to help you fight this battle.  Do not suffer in silence. 

Let’s go “Into The Wilderness” together to face ourselves and overcome the chains that bind us. 


Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

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I Offer One-On-One Coaching

If at any point you feel like you need a brother to come alongside you and support you, I’ll be there.  I’d be happy to get on a call with you to provide personal guidance to create a plan to fight your addiction and accountability to keep you on track.  I’ve already helped dozens of men overcome their addictions; all who thought they were helpless.  I’ve discovered that every battle with porn shares the same few threads that, once unraveled, release you from the chains of addiction.  I’d love for you to be the next success story!

Please don’t hesitate to contact me at timothy@intothewildernessblog.com or Direct Message me on Twitter if one-on-one coaching could help in your battle to live Porn Free.

The Re-Read, Re-Write, Re-Word, Re-Apply Bible Reading Method

How often do you read your Bible?

If the answer is anything less than daily, you have some work to do.  

I know it can be hard to find the time.  I know some parts of the Bible aren’t exactly a page-turner.  But we need to immerse ourselves in Scripture daily.  

Brothers, everything we need to live a Godly life, a masculine life, and a fulfilling life is found in the pages of Scripture.  

However, you can read the Bible all day long, but if you don’t apply what you read to your life, you’re missing the point entirely.

I’ve found a method of reading, understanding, and applying Scripture that not only helps me read the Bible more but helps me to make sure I’m living out the principles it teaches.  

I call it the Re-Read, Re-Write, Re-Word, Re-Apply Method.

Here’s how it works.

  1. Re-Read:

Whatever passage of Scripture you are considering, re-read it several times.  Read it slowly, processing each word in your mind.  

I’ve often found it helps to re-read the verse(s) out loud.  Hearing them audibly helps you to further capture the passage.  

Re-reading makes sure you’re focusing on the passage and not just skimming over it.

  1. Re-Write:

Re-Write the passage out by hand.  

I previously talked about the importance of journaling and hand-writing a journal.  The same concept applies here.  

Writing the verse out by hand forces you to think through what you are writing. It makes you further process each word one by one.  

Writing by hand also aids in memorization.  Whenever I’m trying to memorize something, I always write it out by hand. 

The act of writing cements the passage into your mind.  

  1. Re-Word:

Re-Word the passage into your own vocabulary. 

Even modern translations of the Bible can be hard to comprehend sometimes.  Take the passage that you just wrote out by hand, and re-write it using words that you would use.  

Write down how you would describe the passage if you had to explain it to someone who had never read it before.  

Re-wording puts the passage into your perspective and thought patterns.

  1. Re-Apply:

Re-Apply the Bible passage to your life.  

How can you apply what the verses teach to your own life?  Where does it fit into what’s going on in your daily walk with Christ?  

It may be a passage you know well, but if you don’t apply the Biblical lessons to your life, you’re wasting your time.  

Write out how the verse applies to your life and what you can do to better live out the commands Scripture gives us.  


Reading the Bible is something every man must do every day.  The Bible is our guide, our how-to manual, and our road map.  

I encourage you to make it a part of your daily routine.  

I combine my Bible reading with my prayer, meditation, and journaling each night.  I’ve found it’s an effective way to clear my mind at the end of each day and to spend time with God.

Set aside time every day to read the Bible and use the Re-Read, Re-Write, Re-Word, and Re-Apply method to gain a better understanding of Scripture and how it applies to your life.


Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

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I Offer One-On-One Coaching

If at any point you feel like you need a brother to come alongside you and support you, I’ll be there.  I’d be happy to get on a call with you to provide personal guidance to create a plan to fight your addiction and accountability to keep you on track.  I’ve already helped dozens of men overcome their addictions; all who thought they were helpless.  I’ve discovered that every battle with porn shares the same few threads that, once unraveled, release you from the chains of addiction.  I’d love for you to be the next success story!

Please don’t hesitate to contact me at timothy@intothewildernessblog.com or Direct Message me on Twitter if one-on-one coaching could help in your battle to live Porn Free.

Dear Younger Me

If you could write a letter to a younger version of yourself,

What would you say?

Would you give yourself sage advice?  Or maybe a warning?

Would you encourage yourself to make changes that you wish you had made earlier?

I was pondering this the other day.  I was thinking about what my life would be like if I would have made the changes I made to transform my life in my early 20s instead of my early 30s.

I posted these thoughts on twitter and a lot of people connected with it.

It turns out many people felt the same way.  If they’d have known then what they know now, how different would life be?

Other people were more cynical and thought my twenties sounded awesome and like a lot of fun.   

Sure, they might have been fun in the moment, but I paid dearly for that short-term fun.  

I wasted so many years, most of my 20s, on seeking instant gratification and searching for meaning and fulfillment in the physical pleasures of this world.  

My sex addiction spiraled out of control as I tried to fill a void in my heart with porn and hookups.  I drank my problems away with copious amount of alcohol.  I tried to find happiness in buying all kinds of expensive stuff and having nice things.  

It breaks my heart to think of all the time I should have spent with my children when they were little, or with my wife, time that I’ll never get back, that I instead spent on sex and chasing the next big thing I “needed”.

“Enough” was always one more girl away, or one more drink away, or one more expensive toy.

None of it gave me the joy and fulfillment I was looking for.  

It took hitting rock bottom in my addiction, my marriage, and my spiritual life to finally look myself in the mirror, confess who I truly was, and make the changes I needed to make.  

If that moment had come years earlier, I could have avoided a lot of heartache, stress, and pain.

What I would write to my younger self would be this:

“Deal with your porn and sex problem now.  It won’t go away on its own and will only make your life miserable if you continue on this path.

Get physically fit.  The damage you’re doing to your body will take you years to correct.  

Stop searching for all the answers in the physical pleasures of this world.  You will find your true purpose when you seek out the pleasures of the next world.  When you stop seeking pleasure and instead start seeking to please God, your life will change forever.  When you turn away from the vices you use to mask your pain and seek God, you will find the peace you’re looking for.  When you seek healing from God, not from the band aid of instant gratification, you will find true redemption and joy.

Stop trying to do things your own way.  It will only lead to years of stress, anxiety, heartache, and pain.   God’s path will show you your true purpose.  You will never find it on your own.  

Make the changes you know you need to make now. But remember, what you’re going through now, will mold you into the man you will become.

A few years ago, the band MercyMe, wrote a song based around this idea of writing a letter to yourself.  The lyrics of Dear Younger Me read:

If I knew then what I know now / Would’ve not been hard to figure out / What I would’ve changed if I had heard / Dear younger me / It’s not your fault / You were never meant to carry this beyond the cross

Every mountain every valley / Thru each heartache, you will see / Every moment brings you closer / To who you were meant to be

We can’t go back and make changes to our younger selves. We can’t send a letter and warn ourselves about the challenges that lay ahead.  But we can learn from what we have gone through.  We can realize that even though we could have avoided some pain, each moment brings us closer to who we are meant to be.  

If I had never gone through the darkness I went through, I would not have realized how badly I needed a Savior.  As bad as things were, and as much pain as there was, I believe my marriage is stronger now having been through the hard times.  If I didn’t have the trials and tribulations of my younger years, I would never have the ministry that I do now working with men who are going through similar circumstances.

God has a plan for your life.  It may take a bumpy and hard road to get there, but those hard moments give us a much greater joy when we get through them. 

Paul writes in Romans 5:

“We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.”

The suffering we go through isn’t intended to cause us pain.  It’s in order to build us up.  We will gain endurance, character, and hope from our trials.  

Take a few minutes to write a quick note to your younger self.  Sure, you can give some advice to avoid some of the pitfalls.  But don’t forget that what your younger self went thought built you into the man you are today.   

Then, write a letter from your future self.  What can you start now that your future self will thank you for?  What changes can you make now that will have a lasting impact on your life and happiness?

We don’t have the advantage of going back and making changes.  Nor can we look ahead and see what’s coming.  We can only learn from what we’ve been through and prepare for what’s ahead.  

Learn from your younger self.  Plan for your future self.


Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

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I Offer One-On-One Coaching

If at any point you feel like you need a brother to come alongside you and support you, I’ll be there.  I’d be happy to get on a call with you to provide personal guidance to create a plan to fight your addiction and accountability to keep you on track.  I’ve already helped dozens of men overcome their addictions; all who thought they were helpless.  I’ve discovered that every battle with porn shares the same few threads that, once unraveled, release you from the chains of addiction.  I’d love for you to be the next success story!

Please don’t hesitate to contact me at timothy@intothewildernessblog.com or Direct Message me on Twitter if one-on-one coaching could help in your battle to live Porn Free.

Your Soul On Paper

Keeping a journal or diary was part of almost every man’s life for centuries.

Many of the historical accounts we have of major events are taken from journals and diaries of the individuals involved.  Their journals give us a glimpse into their mind and allow us to travel back in time. 

We’ve gotten away from this habit in modern society. 

Journaling helps to focus your thoughts and process what is going through your mind.  The act of writing requires you to think and be able to express what you’re feeling.

Your journal is your soul on paper.

I recommend taking time each night before you go to bed to write down your thoughts.  Make it part of your evening routine; or morning routine if that suits you. Record whether it was a good day or a tough one.  Write out what was going through your mind if you were tempted that day. 

There is no right or wrong way to journal.  Some people have a set format that they use to record their thoughts each night.  Others just sit down with pen and paper and let it flow. 

Keeping a journal of your progress is also an excellent way to stay on track in your battle with pornography addiction.

You can track your good days and bad days to find patterns.  Jot down all the thoughts that were going through your mind when you were tempted or found yourself in a relapse.  Note any triggers that led you to act out. Examine your emotions and what you might have been feeling before things went bad. 

When you have a victory, record that in your journal too.  Building on small victories creates momentum in your battle.

Journaling keeps me focused and attentive to triggers and other attacks that could cause me to falter.  Journaling keeps my guard up. It keeps my goals and the tools I use to avoid temptation at the forefront of my mind.

It’s possible to keep a journal on a computer or device, but I strongly recommend using an old-fashioned handwritten journal.  The act of writing your thoughts out by hand forces you to think through what you are writing. It makes you think in linear terms and put your thoughts in proper order. 

I would encourage you to combine your journaling with your daily scripture and prayer and meditation. 

Write out your prayers to God.  Write down what you want to pray for.  Then go through them one by one as you pray.

If there’s a particular passage of Scripture you’re working through, write out the passage or a portion of it by hand.  It will help you analyze the verse and consider it more deeply. I often re-write the verse in my own words to gain a better understanding of the message God is trying to give to me.

Keeping a journal is an effective tool clearing your mind, focusing your thoughts, and staying on track with your goals.  Pick up a journal at your local store. Use a notebook or even loose paper. 

Take the time to record your thoughts and what is happening in your life on a daily basis.

Start journaling.  You won’t regret it.  


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I Offer One-On-One Coaching

If at any point you feel like you need a brother to come alongside you and support you, I’ll be there.  I’d be happy to get on a call with you to provide personal guidance to create a plan to fight your addiction and accountability to keep you on track.  I’ve already helped dozens of men overcome their addictions; all who thought they were helpless.  I’ve discovered that every battle with porn shares the same few threads that, once unraveled, release you from the chains of addiction.  I’d love for you to be the next success story!

Please don’t hesitate to contact me at timothy@intothewildernessblog.com or Direct Message me on Twitter if one-on-one coaching could help in your battle to live Porn Free.

Who Is Your Best Friend?

I’ve been talking about friendship quite often recently.

It’s an important aspect of men’s lives that very often gets overlooked.

Men have buddies, but it’s becoming rare to have close, intimate friendships.

One comment that has come up repeatedly in my discussions with men regarding friendship is the statement, “my wife is my best friend.”

What men are doing is trying to justify their lack of close male friendships by saying that their wife is their best friend and they don’t necessarily need close male friends.

While not ill-intentioned, this is very shallow thinking and can leave men lacking the close male bonds we need.

Your wife should NOT be your “best friend”.

She should be your most intimate relationship.  

She should be your partner in life.

She should be your lover.

But she should not be your “best friend”.

Now, before you jump all over me, ‪I’m not saying you and your wife shouldn’t be friends.  You absolutely should. If you don’t enjoy each other’s company and love spending time together, your marriage is doomed.

But your wife is SOOO much more than a friend.

She is the counterpart to everything you are.  She is the feminine to your masculine. She is the tenderness to your strength.  She is the mother, you are the father. She is the church bride. You are the bridegroom of Christ.

She is your lover and your bride.

Calling her your “best friend” is actually a demotion to her.

Your wife and your “best friend” are different roles, and we need both in our lives.

I love this quote that Rev. R. Kent Hughes wrote in his classic book, Disciplines of a Godly Man:

Men, if you are married, your wife must be your most intimate friend, but to say, “my wife is my best friend” can be a cop-out. You also need Christian male friends who have a same-sex understanding of the serpentine passages of your heart, who will not only offer counsel and pray for you, but will also hold you accountable to your commitments and responsibilities when necessary.”

Men need those close bonds of brotherly love to thrive as men.  Our “best friend” should be another male who we can confide in, who can support us, and hold our feet to the floor.

He should be someone you can trust completely and be 100% open and honest with.  He should know every deep, dark secret in your life. You should have nothing to lose by opening up to him.  You need to be able to confide in him.  

He should encourage you, support you, and keep you accountable.  He should tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.  He needs to be able to call you out if there’s sin in your life or if you’re starting down a wrong path.

In the realm of sexual addiction, your wife should definitely not be your accountability partner.  That role should be another man who will fight alongside you.  

Your wife should be aware of your addiction and should certainly be a part of your recovery. But there are too many ups and downs for her to be your accountability partner. You need a man, a brother, to be your friend and accountability partner in that battle.

Your wife is your partner in life.  She gives you the opportunity to live out your role as a man.  She allows you to be the leader of the household, to be the husband and the father.  You should provide for her, protect her, and pastor her. 

She should absolutely be the closest, most intimate, and special relationship in your life.

But you need a man to be your “best friend”.  You need a brother to be the person you can share things with only another man will understand and be able to help you with.  

Men need their wives to be their wives.  They need other men to be their brother and “best friend”.

Who is your best friend?


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Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

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I Offer One-On-One Coaching

If at any point you feel like you need a brother to come alongside you and support you, I’ll be there.  I’d be happy to get on a call with you to provide personal guidance to create a plan to fight your addiction and accountability to keep you on track.  I’ve already helped dozens of men overcome their addictions; all who thought they were helpless.  I’ve discovered that every battle with porn shares the same few threads that, once unraveled, release you from the chains of addiction.  I’d love for you to be the next success story!

Please don’t hesitate to contact me at timothy@intothewildernessblog.com or Direct Message me on Twitter if one-on-one coaching could help in your battle to live Porn Free.

The Importance of Fitness

Fitness is a foundation of masculinity because it IS masculinity.  Masculinity is strength, power, and control. In order to live up to the masculine standards in other areas of our lives, we must be fit physically.  

How can we properly protect and provide for our families if we’re physically unable to?

There are three specific things that fitness provides a man. 

The first is the obvious one, health.

Staying physically fit is essential to our overall health and wellness.  Regular exercise reduces the risk for a plethora of diseases and helps maintain our immune system to ward off infection.  I don’t need to go into all the details of why fitness is healthy. You know why. You’ve been taught it since you were a kid in elementary school.

But here’s the problem.  You don’t do it! You still sit in a chair all day at work, sit in your car on your commute home, then sit on your couch all evening eating terrible food and being lazy.   

We all know this processed, chemical-ridden food is terrible for us, but we gobble it down anyway.  We all know we need to get active and move our bodies, but we’d rather sit on the couch binge-watching our favorite Netflix show while we drink beer and eat chips.  

Men must have control over their health.  How can we be the provider, protector, and pastor of our family if we’re too sick to lead?  Even worse, what kind of an example are we setting for our families if we make terrible health decisions?  

Start tracking your calories.  I know it’s a pain. Do it anyway.  It’s actually fairly easy now with all the apps available like MyFitnessPal.  You’ll soon realize how many worthless calories you’re eating, and drinking.   

Start eating cleaner.  Avoid all the processed foods with 200 ingredients you can’t pronounce.  Stick to the basics. Eat your lean meat and vegetables. It’s not hard people.  If you can’t be disciplined enough to eat right, how will you be disciplined in other areas of your life?

Fitness makes a healthy man.  A healthy man can provide for his family.

Second, fitness provides a man with strength.

Men must be strong.   When you picture a masculine man in your mind, he’s not some skinny wet noodle.  He’s a strong, muscular, and confident man with broad shoulders.  

Men need to be strong to protect their families.  We are not that far removed from a time when men needed to be able to physically protect their families.  And only a thin illusion of security protects us from that now.  

How are you going to protect your family if you’re not physically strong?  You might say, “I got my guns to protect my family.” While I’m an avid support of second amendment rights, that’s not enough.  You need to be able to protect your family with nothing but your body. Get strong, get fit, and be sure you can protect what’s yours.

A strong man is a confident man.  He stands taller. He sticks his chest out. He knows he’s capable of doing what he needs to do.  It makes him more confident in the workplace, more confident romantically, and it improves his style and fashion as well.

If you’re not doing so already, start lifting weights.  Cardio isn’t enough and is only a part of overall fitness.  Strength training will help you build muscle while losing weight.  So many people lose momentum in their fitness goals because they get bored doing nothing but running on the treadmill or riding an exercise bike.  Pick up some dumbbells and start slinging iron! Lifting does so much for your physical fitness as well as mental fitness.

Want to be a strong man?  Get to work training your body.  

Men are the backbone of society.  They’re the rock on which their family is built.  In order to be the men we need to be, we must be strong.

Lastly, fitness provides a release for man’s primal nature.

Men are inherently violent.  That’s not a bad thing. Modern society thinks it is unnecessary for men to be violent.  I couldn’t disagree more. Men are wired with aggression. Men are designed to be violent.  

We have repressed that innate violence so much in our society that it comes out in unnatural ways like abuse.  If men only had a proper and healthy way to release the tension that naturally lives within them, we would have a lot less “bad” violence in our society.

Fitness gives man the arena to release that tension within him.  It provides a healthy avenue for the release of stress and anxiety.  

Men are made to be warriors.  We were designed for battle. We need a battle to fight.  The world has evolved so that men no longer need to be warriors to simply survive, but we do need a battle to fight.  Fitness gives us that physical “battle” that our bodies and our instincts crave.  

Men need to be capable of violence.  If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful, you’re harmless.

Fitness provides men with a release of physical tension that is essential to his masculinity.

Fitness is a foundation of masculinity because a man’s body is the foundation for his life.  We live our lives through our physical bodies. If our bodies are not in great shape, what shape will the rest of our lives look like?

Getting your fitness where it should be will help in so many other areas.  It will improve your health and your strength. It will increase your confidence and determination.  Being physically fit helps with mood and wards off depression and anxiety.  

The Bible describes our bodies as a Temple.  Our bodies are made in the image of God. God blessed us with these bodies as vessels for our souls here on earth.  Our bodies are not our own, they’re His. Therefore, caring for our bodies is an act of worship towards God. Paul tells us we should use our bodies as “living sacrifices” for worship.  

Fitness is not just important for our physical lives here on earth, it’s an act of worship for preparation for our spiritual lives in eternity. 

A good man makes fitness a priority in his life.  He knows physical fitness will lead to emotional fitness, mental fitness, and spiritual fitness.   It will provide him with health, strength, and release.  


Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

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Success! You're on the list.

I Offer One-On-One Coaching

If at any point you feel like you need a brother to come alongside you and support you, I’ll be there.  I’d be happy to get on a call with you to provide personal guidance to create a plan to fight your addiction and accountability to keep you on track.  I’ve already helped dozens of men overcome their addictions; all who thought they were helpless.  I’ve discovered that every battle with porn shares the same few threads that, once unraveled, release you from the chains of addiction.  I’d love for you to be the next success story!

Please don’t hesitate to contact me at timothy@intothewildernessblog.com or Direct Message me on Twitter if one-on-one coaching could help in your battle to live Porn Free.

Fraternity: The Lost Brotherhood

One of the lists that has been lost among men in today’s society is the importance of fraternity.

Having close male friends is not considered nearly as important as faith, family, and fitness.  The effect this has had on modern masculinity has been disastrous.

Men simply don’t have close, intimate friends anymore.  Sure, they have their work buddies, or their golfing buddies, or football buddies.  But they’re just that; buddies.  They aren’t quality, deep friendships.  

Like so many other masculine traits, male friendship is diminished and often ridiculed.  Two guys spending a significant amount of time together are referred to as being in a “bromance”.  Men are often afraid to show any signs of affection for each other for fear of being called “gay”.  

But these things are what men need most!  Men need companionship.  They need friendship.  They need brothers.  They need fraternity. 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 

“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.”

Men need other men around them to confide in, support them, and keep them accountable.  Men who are alone can end up in a dangerous place.

Many of the benefits of close friendship are obvious: companionship, fun, humor, shared interests.  But there are three things that close friendship provides that are absolutely necessary to thrive as a man. 

  1. Intimacy

Men need an intimate friend.  They need someone who they can confide in with absolute confidentiality and trust.  Having someone that knows you in and out, that knows you better than yourself, is worth that friend’s weight in gold.  We must have brothers in our lives that we can go to when we need help.  There is a need to have someone other than our spouse to vent to and seek advice from.  We all require a loyal, devoted friend who has our best interests at heart to listen and be there for us in tough times as well as good times. 

The Biblical standard bearer for strong male friendship is David and Jonathan.  Modern interpretations often portray their relationship as being homosexual.  That’s only because modern society is so far removed from close male friendships that they can’t imagine two men being that close without having sexual intimacy as well.  The world is no longer able separate intimacy from sex.  The Bible says Jonathan loved David as he loved himself.  He protected him from his father, King Saul, who was trying to kill David.  He was there for David when he needed him most.  

We all desire a friend that will be there for us through thick and thin.  Someone who can cry with us, laugh with us, mourn with us, and celebrate with us.  We crave that unspoken language between two people, the inside jokes, the comradery.  We crave intimacy, and having a good, close friend provides that to us.

2. Encouragement

Secondly, close friendships provide us encouragement.  They push us to be better.  They pick us up when we’re feeling down.  A true friend will push you to be the best you can be.  When you get knocked down, he’ll come over and help you up, tell you to rub the dirt off your pants and get back in the game.  That’s what men do.  That’s what a good friend will do.  A true friend will never leave another man behind.  He’ll carry him on his shoulders if he must, but he’s not leaving him behind.  

David was at one of his lowest points after capturing the town of Keilah from the Philistines.  Saul was out to kill him, and the townspeople were plotting to turn him over to Saul.  He was surrounded, in danger, and even though he had 600 men with him, he felt completely alone.  Jonathan came to him and “encouraged him to stay strong in his faith in God.”  

A close intimate friend encourages you, fights alongside you in battle, has your back, and remains loyal until the end.

3. Accountability

Lastly, deep friendship provides accountability.  A good brother can see through the b.s. you tell yourself and try to tell others.  He won’t let you falter or head down the wrong path.  We all need someone who can tell us what we need to hear instead of what we want to hear.  Especially when dealing with issues of porn addiction and sexual purity, we need a brother who will check up on us and make sure we’re doing what we’re supposed to be doing.

Again, referencing the life of David, we all need a Nathan.  In 2 Samuel 12, Nathan called David out for his sin of adultery with Bathsheeba and murdering her husband.  Rebuking the king in that way was of great risk, but David needed a friend to show him his errors.  His ego wouldn’t allow him to see it himself.  

I would never have recovered from my sinful past if I hadn’t had friends who came to me and slapped some sense into me.  They took me to task for my mistakes and made sure I realized where I had gone wrong.  As men, if we don’t have someone looking out for us, our own selfish desires and arrogance can take us down some very dark paths.  We need brothers to keep us accountable and hold our feet to the floor.

Fraternity Over Friendship

You may be wondering why I’ve titled this article “fraternity” and not “friendship”.  The reason is that we don’t just need a close friend, we need a group of friends.  We need multiple men in our lives who provide that close brotherhood.  

We need fraternity.  Fraternity is a group of people held together by a common bond or purpose.  Fraternity gives us somewhere to belong.  It gives us a “tribe” to call our own.  

There are never any men who are closer knit than a group of men who have fought or battled together.  That’s one great thing about youth sports, it teaches young men the bond that comes with teamwork.  The place we find the closest-knit brotherhoods are in war.  The men of Easy Company, made famous by the Band of Brothers miniseries, are a perfect example of the bond, comradery, and fraternity that a group of men who have been through hell together experience.  

This is why the American Legions and the V.F.W.s were so popular after the war years.  Men were looking to again discover that fraternal bond that they shared with their men during battle.  But we can also find this bond and unity outside of the military.  Groups like the Freemasons, Odd Fellows, and college fraternities all have that common bond of friendship that we so desire.  They provide us somewhere to belong.

The tragedy is that so many of those groups are dying out.  People don’t join fraternal organizations anymore.  The result is they miss out on that fraternal brotherhood that men so desperately need.  This has caused men to go through life alone, with no one they can rely on, confide in, or keep them accountable.  I believe this is one of the reasons we have so many issues with masculinity in our society.

One remark that never fails to come up when discussing male friendship is the comment, “My wife is my best friend”.  

Rev. R. Kent Hughes in his classic book, Disciplines of a Godly Man, addresses this issue:

Men, if you are married, your wife must be your most intimate friend, but to say, “my wife is my best friend” can be a cop-out.  You also need Christian male friends who have a same-sex understanding of the serpentine passages of your heart, who will not only offer counsel and pray for you, but will also hold you accountable to your commitments and responsibilities when necessary.”

Men need other men.  We need brothers.  We need fellow warriors to battle through life alongside us.  We need friends who we can confide in, who can support us, and who can keep us on the right path.  We need a group of men to belong to; a fraternity to call our own.   

Native American writer, Charles Eastman, wrote about friendship among Indian tribes:

It is easy, we think, to be loyal to family and clan, whose blood is in our own veins. Love between man and woman is founded on the mating instinct and is not free from desire and self-seeking. But to have a friend, and to be true under any and all trials, is the mark of a man! The highest type of friendship is the relation of ‘brother-friend’ or ‘life-and-death friend.’ This bond is between man and man, is usually formed in early youth, and can only be broken by death. It is the essence of comradeship and fraternal love, without thought of pleasure or gain, but rather for moral support and inspiration. Each is vowed to die for the other, if need be, and nothing denied the brother-friend, but neither is anything required that is not in accord with the highest conceptions of the mind.

Without fraternity our foundation as men is weak.


Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

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Success! You're on the list.

I Offer One-On-One Coaching

If at any point you feel like you need a brother to come alongside you and support you, I’ll be there.  I’d be happy to get on a call with you to provide personal guidance to create a plan to fight your addiction and accountability to keep you on track.  I’ve already helped dozens of men overcome their addictions; all who thought they were helpless.  I’ve discovered that every battle with porn shares the same few threads that, once unraveled, release you from the chains of addiction.  I’d love for you to be the next success story!

Please don’t hesitate to contact me at timothy@intothewildernessblog.com or Direct Message me on Twitter if one-on-one coaching could help in your battle to live Porn Free.