Who Is Your Nathan?

Who Is Your Nathan?

Many of us are familiar with the story of King David and Bathsheba.  

In the account described in the Bible, King David saw Bathsheba bathing on a roof and was immediately filled with intense lust for her.  He committed adultery with her knowing that she was married.  When she became pregnant, he tried to get her husband to come home to cover it up. When that scheme failed, he murdered her husband so he could have her to himself.

It’s a story of lust gone wrong in so many ways. It’s a familiar process for many men who have been shackled with sexual addiction.  It starts with simple lust, then we act on the lust, then we have to cover our tracks, then we commit worse sins in the process until we’re in way over our heads.  

Once that happens, we can’t make it out alone.  We need guidance, we need a brother to come and speak some hard truth to us and encourage us to break free.

That’s where Nathan comes in.

Many people aren’t as familiar with what happened after David’s adultery.  In 2nd Samuel chapter 12, the prophet Nathan came to David and using a story about a poor man’s lamb, manages to get the King to realize how badly he has messed up.  Rebuking the king in that way was of great risk, but David needed a friend to show him his errors. His ego wouldn’t allow him to see it himself. 

We all need a Nathan.

I would never have recovered from my sinful past if I didn’t have friends who came and slapped some sense into me. They took me to task for my mistakes and made sure I realized where I had gone wrong. As men, if we don’t have someone looking out for us, our own selfish desires and arrogance can take us down some very dark paths.

If you’re going to overcome pornography or sexual addiction, you must have a support system in place.  You cannot fight this battle alone.  You need other men who will come alongside you, support you, encourage you, and keep you accountable.

Having a brother like Nathan as a support system provides intimacy.  Most men today don’t have the slightest clue what true intimacy is. We only know the false intimacy of porn and sex. You must have someone you can trust completely and be 100% open and honest with.  He should know every deep, dark secret in your life, and there should be nothing to lose by opening up to him.  You need to be able to confide in him.  Every man needs a close friend, a brother, he can open up to, cry with, laugh with, mourn with, and celebrate with.  You need intimacy.

Second, your Nathan will provide you encouragement.  He should push you to be better and pick you up when you’re feeling down.  When you get knocked down, or you fail in your battle with addiction, he’ll come over and help you up, tell you to rub the dirt off your pants and get back in the game. He shouldn’t allow you to become complacent.  He’ll constantly be pushing you to get to the next level.  If you can make it a week without porn, he’ll push you to make two. Alone, men can get discouraged.  You need a Nathan to be your cheerleader, pushing you to be better.

Lastly, your Nathan will provide accountability.  A good brother can see through the B.S. you tell yourself and try to tell others.  You need someone who will tell us what we need to hear instead of what we want to hear.  You need someone with the courage to call you out if you are going down the wrong path.  David thought he was completely justified in his sexual desire for Bathsheba.  It took Nathan’s rebuke to get him to understand the error of his ways.  Your Nathan will check up on you. He’ll make sure you’re not lying to yourself and others.  If he sees you starting to stray away, he’ll pull you back into line.  You need a Nathan to be your accountability partner.

Who can be your Nathan?

Any close friend who has your best interests at heart can be your support system.  But, it must be a man. Under no circumstances whatsoever should your support system be a female. First for the obvious reasons. Second, we’re dealing with a male issue. You need another man who can understand what you’re going through and the obstacles you face.  

Second, it helps greatly if your Nathan has been through the battle and knows what it’s like to fight and overcome addiction.  They know what you’re going through because they’ve been there themselves.

What you’re not looking for is someone who doesn’t think what you’re doing is wrong. You may have a good buddy, but they think there’s no problem with porn, they will not be of any help to you and will probably cause you to fall even further into addiction.  Second, it should not be a close family member, especially your wife.  Your family should be aware of your battle and be a part of your recovery, but there are too many ups and downs in this fight and they are too closely affected by your addiction.

One of the best options for finding your Nathan is through a coach.  There are many men who have overcome sexual addiction and are willing to help other men in their own fight.  A coach can provide one-on-one guidance to help you finally break free. He will assist you, encourage you, and keep you accountable.  He can create a personalized plan to fight your addiction and continued support to keep you on track. While not a substance for clinical counseling or therapy, coaching can provide the support system you need.

I offer one-on-one coaching to men battling porn and sex addiction. If at any point you feel like you need a brother to come alongside you and support you, I’ll be there.  I’d be happy to get on a call with you to provide personal guidance to create a plan to fight your addiction and accountability to keep you on course.  I’ve already helped dozens of men overcome their addictions; all who once thought they were helpless.  If you feel like coaching can help you break the chains of your addiction, feel free to contact me at timothy@intothewildernessblog.com.

A coach can certainly be your Nathan.  He can be the friend and brother that you need to fight this battle alongside you.  He can be your intimate confidant, your encouraging mentor, and your accountability partner.

Just like David, we all need a Nathan by our side.

Who is your Nathan?


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Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

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One-on-one coaching can help you finally break free
from porn addiction once and for all.

  • One-On-One Video Calls
  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

Are you next???

Do You Have Perseverance?

Do you have perseverance?

Do you have what it takes to keep going no matter how hard, how far, or how painful?

The sad news is that many men today are mentally weak. 

Far too often, men give up at the first sign of difficulty.  Instead of fighting through the hardship, they surrender and admit defeat.  If they get knocked backwards, they decide to simply throw in the towel instead of fighting back.  

It’s time you hardened yourself against the struggles in your life and showed some perseverance.  Fight through the failures.  Continue on the path even when it gets bumpy.  

There’s an old Navy proverb, “Calm seas never made a good sailor.”

Life is much the same way.  If you only take on battles you know you can win, you’ll never truly know what you’re capable of.

You need perseverance to push through those stormy seas; to fight on when you feel like giving up.

What is perseverance?

Perseverance is continuing to move forward despite how difficult it gets or how long it takes to see success.

The problem is, too many people can’t see beyond today.  They can’t look past the temporary pain they’re experiencing now to see the rewards of what will come later.  Men would rather find quick easy comfort NOW, rather that push on to experience the true satisfaction of accomplishment.

This is one reason porn addiction is so difficult to overcome.  It’s so much easier to run to the quick escape and easy pleasure of porn than it is to persevere through the hardships of life.  Instead of facing your problems head on and dealing with them, you use porn to avoid them.  Then you wonder why you feel shame, depression, and anxiety.  

The same can be said of fitness. It’s much easier to sit back on the couch with a beer than is to persevere through a tough workout.  

Instead of choosing the pleasures of the present, choose the payoff of perseverance.

No one ever regretted fighting through hardship to achieve victory.  you may have thought you were going through hell in the moment, but once you reach the other side, you’re always glad you kept going. 

Think about this:

Have you ever regretted a good workout once you’re done?  

Have you ever regretted pushing through and finishing that project instead of seeing it sit there half completed?

Have you ever regretted having sex with your wife instead of jerking off to porn?

Have you ever regretted reading your Bible instead of scrolling social media?

NO.

Because the rewards of perseverance are worth fighting for.

You won’t find perseverance by standing still.  Just like you need the stormy seas to make you a good sailor, you need to face trials in life in order to develop perseverance.  

You may think you’re tough as nails, but if you’re never hit with a hammer, how will you know how strong you truly are?

One of my favorite passages of Scripture is Romans 5:3-4.

“We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

Romans 5:3-4

Fighting through trials will help you develop perseverance.  Developing perseverance will build your character, and being of strong character will give you hope.   You will have hope that you can overcome any obstacle.  You will have confidence that you can face any foe.  You will have the courage to fight through battles when it feels like the odds are against you.

Modern men must develop perseverance.  The world is trying to keep you weak by enticing you with quick easy pleasures.  But strong men put on blinders against all the distractions. They can focus on the future rewards of their labors and press on through the difficulty.

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”

Winston Churchill

Don’t let temptation distract you.  Don’t let difficulty defeat you.  Don’t let pain stop you.

Find your inner grit.  Find your strength.  Find Perseverance.


Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

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One-on-one coaching can help you finally break free
from porn addiction once and for all.

  • One-On-One Video Calls
  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

Are you next???

Cleaning Up My Own Mess

Throughout my addiction, I always tried to deflect blame for my actions. 

I would blame my acting out on stress and anxiety.  I would blame my wife for the slightest errors and use them as justification for my actions.  I would blame God for making me this way.  I would blame society for being so sexualized.

But it took a major life event for me to realize the truth.

The mess I’m in is MY fault. 

While there are certain things that could explain my behavior, only I was responsible for my behavior.  


I had to take a good long look in the mirror and admit to myself who I was and what I was doing.  That was hard to do.  I’m a proud, confident guy.  Admitting weakness is tough.  Admitting failure was difficult.

So many others had tried to tell me I was on a self destructive path, but I didn’t listen.

The hardest person to convince to change is yourself.

But once I realized that I was responsible for my addiction, I also realized that I was responsible for my recovery.  If I got myself into this mess, then I also possessed the power to get out of it.

I had to stop wishing I would be free from addiction and start making the changes to get free.  I had to stop hoping I would get better and start planning how to do it.

Once I put my mind to change and put the pieces in place, I started finding success in my battle.  I stopped blaming everyone else for actions and took responsibility myself.  Instead of trying to paint the picture of the perfect life, I opened up about my struggles and got the help I needed.  

In order to find freedom, you have to realize this:

The mess you’re in is YOUR fault. The solution is also YOUR responsibility.

So take that long look in the mirror and admit to yourself that you, and only you, are responsible for where you’re at in life.  It may be cliche’, but the first step is always to admit that you have a problem.  The second step is to realize that you also have the power to overcome the problem within you.  

You may not think you’re strong enough.  You may not think you can do it.  And you do definitely need help.  You cannot win this battle alone.  You need support, encouragement, accountability and the love of forgiveness of God.  But you have it in you to change.  It may take some digging, but deep down that strength is in there.

Take responsibility for your actions and take responsibility for making the changes you need to make to find freedom.


It’s your mess.  It’s time you cleaned it up.


Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

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One-on-one coaching can help you finally break free
from porn addiction once and for all.

  • One-On-One Video Calls
  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

Are you next???

How To Restore Trust After Porn Addiction

One of the most damaging effects of porn addiction is the destruction of trust it causes in relationships.

While I do not believe that Porn Addiction itself rises to the level of Adultery or Cheating, it does break the trust established and leads to feelings of betrayal.   Wives are often left feeling broken, hurt, and used.  They often feel like they did something wrong or they are not good enough.  Many wonder how they could ever trust their husband or partner again.  

It’s often said that once trust is broken, it can never be restored.  I disagree.

I believe that trust, especially within the confines of a marriage affected by porn addiction, can be restored.    But it takes hard work.  It takes time.  It takes both a determination to change, and a willingness to forgive.  

Porn and sex addiction will change a marriage forever.  It will never be the same again.  Yet, trust can be restored and the relationship can survive and even thrive.  

I destroyed just about every shred of trust my wife had in me over my years of addiction.  I lied time and time again.  Just when she thought she could start trusting me again, I would throw it all away by relapsing and we’d be back at square one.  

What allowed my marriage to survive was the determination to never give up; from both of us.  I never gave up trying to get better and find sobriety.  My wife determined to never give up on me.  We both had to put in the hard work.  I had to dig deep to fix the issues causing my addiction and she had to work through the heartache and work toward forgiveness.

But we made it.  We fought through the roller coaster ride and made it out on the other side better than ever.  Trust has been restored, we are more intimate than ever, and our marriage has grown closer and stronger having been through the darkness together.

So if your marriage has been damaged by porn and sex addiciton, don’t give up hope.  Fight for it.  Put in the work necessary to put the broken pieces back together.

Here are five things you must do to restore trust in your relationship.

  1. Honesty

You must be 100% honest with your wife.  No more lies!  The damage has already been done.  The wound is already there.  You’re not sparing her any pain by holding back additional information.  This is something I did quite a bit.  I would be about 90% honest, but withhold something each time.  I convinced myself I was trying not to hurt her further, but in reality it was me still trying to cover my own ass and not make my actions seem as bad.  

In my book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal, I have a disclosure exercise where you will list out everything you have done in your addiction.  All of it.  Lay it out in black and white.  Confession starts the process of healing.  Do this for yourself first, to get a full grasp of the magnitude of your addiction.  Once you have done this, have a full disclosure with your spouse.  DO NOT do this alone!  Disclosure with your wife should take place in a safe and healthy environment under the direction of a professional counselor, pastor, or coach.

Trust requires absolute honesty, even if it hurts.  There is no chance of recovery if you hold information back.  

  1. Transparency

If you want to restore trust, you must be an open book.  No more secrets.  You lost your right to that when you made poor decisions.  

The Ronald Reagan quote, “Trust, but verify” fits perfectly here.  You cannot just expect your wife to start trusting you again without proof that you are doing what you say you are doing.  You may need to give her the password to your phone.  You may have to install blocking software on your devices.  You may need to give up your right to have your office door closed.  

Yes, it may be a breach of privacy.  Yes it sucks.  But you know what sucks worse? Losing your marriage.  Suck it up and do what you have to do to restore trust.

  1. Accountability

In recovery from Porn Addiction, accountability is everything.  In Living Porn Free, I discuss the importance of having a “Nathan.”  Nathan was the prophet who called King David out for his sin of adultery with Bathsheba.   David needed a friend with the courage to keep him accountable.  He needed a brother to help him realize his errors and seek redemption.

I wouldn’t have made the progress I’ve made in my own recovery from porn addiction if I hadn’t had friends who supported me and held me accountable.   Left to ourselves, we will take the easy route every time.  We need someone to check up on us, tell it to us straight, and push us forward.

However, your accountability partner must NOT be your wife. There are too many ups and downs for her to be your accountability partner.  You need a man, a brother, to be your friend and accountability partner in that battle.  You will be accountable to him, so that you can restore trust with her. 

  1. No Self Pity

When you finally make the decision to break free from porn, you feel a huge weight taken off your shoulders. When you confess, that burden of keeping secrets is removed.  You feel relieved.  You’re finally doing the right thing.  Sometimes, men feel like that should be acknowledged, like they deserve recognition for doing the right thing.  While you should be commended for taking action to quit, you’re just doing what you should have been doing from the beginning.

While you feel great for finally changing your life, you just wrecked her world!  

Don’t be selfish and expect a pat on the back for not doing something wrong.  Don’t get upset because you lost your right to privacy or have to constantly check in with your wife.  These aren’t annoyances, they’re the steps to rebuilding the trust that you damaged.  

  1. Move Forward

In order to truly restore trust and rebuild a marriage, you have to move on.  Deal with the problems, make changes that need to be made, then go forward in a new life.  Instead of living in the past, start building the future.  The fairy tale “happily ever after” marriage is over.  The facade of the perfect marriage is gone. 

This can be a good thing.  You now realize that you’re just two broken people who are determined to stick together no matter what. So start living for the future, improving your relationship day by day, and grow closer together.

I see too many marriages where they seem to want to hang on to the pain.  They want vengeance or retribution.  If you’re looking to get even, you’ll never survive.  

Forgiveness is the key to restoring a broken marriage.  Forgiveness doesn’t mean what the person did was ok.  It means giving up the right to seek retribution for the wrong committed. 

The past is the past.  You can’t change it. Learn from it, fix the problems, and move forward.I’m not going to sit here and pretend that it will be easy to restore trust that has been broken.  There are marriages that cannot survive the damage done by porn addiction.  But if you are willing to put in the hard work, follow the steps I’ve shown, and commit to fighting for your marriage, that trust can be restored. 


Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

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One-on-one coaching can help you finally break free
from porn addiction once and for all.

  • One-On-One Video Calls
  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

Are you next???

Progress Over Perfection

There’s one phrase that I repeat over and over again to the men that I coach.  

“Two steps forward, one step back, is still moving forward.”

The point is that just because you might be falling short sometimes, doesn’t mean you aren’t making progress.   If you’re fighting, if you’re working hard, if you’re determined, you will continually move forward, even if you aren’t successful 100% of time.

Too often, we strive only for perfection.  While we should strive for excellence, we should be concentrating on the times when we’re successful, instead of beating ourselves up when we fail.  

I see this all the time when working with men battling porn addiction.  They try to quit porn and go for a set amount of time with no relapses, which isn’t a bad thing, but the problem comes when the “streak” ends.  Many men feel like they’ve failed when they have a setback.   But they haven’t failed.  They’ve only taken one step back.

Let’s say a man goes two weeks without watching porn, then slips up and watches porn and masturbates.  He may think he failed.  But he didn’t!  He was successful 13 days in a row and fell short one day.  That’s 13 wins and one loss.  

To use a baseball term, that’s a batting average of .928!  You wouldn’t call a guy who got on base 13 times out of 14 a failure.

Stop trying to go for the hitting streak.  Instead head to the plate looking to improve your batting average.

We need to shift our mindset from despairing over failures to celebrating victories.  Imperfect progress is better than being flawless while standing still.  Build momentum by achieving those small victories day after day.  You don’t have to take a giant leap forward every day.  Just focus on doing the little things right consistently.  Then after a time, you can look back and see how far you’ve come.  Sure, the path may not be perfectly straight, but you’re in a better place than you were before.

Progress is not a straight line.  There are detours.  There are bumps in the road.  The important thing is to keep pressing forward.  Keep fighting and don’t let those hindrances hold you back.

Here’s something you can do to help you begin to focus on the wins instead of the losses.

At the end of each day, in your journal, write down three wins that you achieved that day.  They don’t have to be something major, just three things that you succeeded in.  Sometimes just getting through the day in one piece is a win!  Writing down these wins will help you shift your mindset from perfection to progress.  You’ll start focusing on how you are winning and moving forward instead of how you might have fallen short.  It will help you build momentum.  And when you do slip up, you can look back at those lists and see how many more times you were successful versus how many times had a setback.   You will see your batting average rise over time.

My challenge to you is to focus on progress not perfection.  Just because you’re not perfect doesn’t mean you’re failing.  Your stone may have some rough edges, but that doesn’t mean the stone is worthless.  You don’t have to scrap it and start over.  You can knock off the rough edges and build it into something great.

Focus on Progress over Perfection.


Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

Processing…
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One-on-one coaching can help you finally break free
from porn addiction once and for all.

  • One-On-One Video Calls
  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

Are you next???

Is Adultery Forgivable?

Marriage and long term relationships always have their ups and downs.  Any one who has been in one for any length of time can tell you there will be actions you have to forgive the other partner for and you’re going to have to be willing to accept imperfections about them.

But is there anything that your spouse could do that would be unforgivable?

I’ve written at length about how damaging porn addiction is to a relationship.  I’ve also written that it does not mean the marriage is over. Many marriages have survived and even thrived after recovery from porn addiction.

But what if someone goes one step further and commits adultery?

Is adultery forgivable?

If your spouse commits adultery, and by adultery I mean actually having sexual intercourse with someone outside of the marriage, can that marriage survive?

Adultery is much more common than you think.  In a totally unscientific, i.e. Twitter, poll, I received these results.

This means a little over one in every five people have committed some form of adultery against their spouse.

For many people, adultery is a line in the sand.  If that line is crossed, divorce is the only option.  

In the Bible, Jesus does make an allowance for divorce if one partner commits sexual immorality, which would include adultery.  He also adds the caveat that if someone divorces their spouse for any reason other than sexual immorality, they themselves are committing adultery.  (Matthew 5:32)

But does this mean if someone commits adultery you MUST divorce them?

NO.

Adultery is a grave sin.  It is listed as it’s own commandment in the Ten Commandments given to Moses by God.  It’s even still on the law books in some states as a law open to prosecution.

But sin is sin is sin.  There is no sin that is “better” or “worse” in God’s eyes. The punishment for sin is death. (Romans 6:23)  Christ died to forgive us of ALL sin, no matter how horrible, damaging, or debaucherous it may be.  

He forgave the woman caught in adultery in John 8 telling her, “Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.”

If Christ is willing to forgive the sin of adultery, shouldn’t we?

YES.

If someone commits adultery against you, you should forgive them. (Matthew 6:15)  But that doesn’t mean that you have to stay married to them.

There’s a reason Jesus provided that exception to allow for divorce.  The collateral damage caused by adultery can often be too much for a marriage to overcome.  

Yet, even as bad as adultery can be, it is forgivable.  

Adultery does not have to end in divorce.

It is possible for marriages and relationships to overcome infidelity.  It is an incredibly difficult thing to do, but it can be done.

How do I know?  Because mine did.

Ready for some cold hard truth?

I’m an adulterer.

My porn and sexual addiction escalated far beyond just porn, masturbation and fantasy.  I committed adultery by having sexual relations with other women.  It did almost lead to divorce.  Things were very touch and go for some time.  But we committed to fight through all the pain and heartache.  We have survived.

I dare to say we have even thrived since all my sins were revealed.  We’re more open and honest with each other.  The “fairy tale” is over.  It hasn’t been happily ever after.  It’s been very, very difficult.  Now we can both admit that neither of us are perfect.  And “what God has joined together, let no man separate,” no matter how difficult it may be.

I certainly understand there are scenarios involving adultery where divorce is not only permissable, but necessary.  But I believe in today’s “disposable” society, marriages are often thrown away and given up on without any effort to restore them.

It’s time we fought for marriage.  If couple’s spent more time preparing for being married instead of getting married, i.e. the wedding itself, there would be many more happy marriages.

Sexual sin is growing.  The world revolves around sex these days.  My mission is to help men who have fallen into sexual sin and help them restore the damage they have done, even if it is as bad as adultery.  

No man is too broken.

No marriage is too damaged.

Christ can restore every broken heart and heal every wound. 

But we have to be willing to put in the work of forgiveness for that to happen.

Adultery IS forgivable.  

Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

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One-on-one coaching can help you finally break free
from porn addiction once and for all.

  • One-On-One Video Calls
  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

Are you next???

The Lost Art of Deep Conversation

When was the last time you had a deep meaningful conversation with someone?

If you can’t remember, that’s a problem.

The majority of the conversations that men have are extremely shallow.  Many rarely ever go beyond the weather or sports.

But men need conversation.  We need to connect with one another on a deeper level.  There is a level of connection and intimacy that men are craving yet aren’t engaging in and it’s having consequences.

Many porn addictions are a result of a desire for intimacy, connection, and acceptance.  When men are addicted to watching porn, they’re not seeking out sexual pleasure, they’re looking to feel something.  They’re looking to fill a hole in their life, to fulfill a legitimate need, but they don’t know how to find it in a legitimate way, so they seek it in the illegitimate quick fix of porn.

Many men aren’t seeking porn, they’re seeking a friend.  

So why aren’t men having meaningful, heartfelt conversations? 

1. Men are afraid to open up.

Men have a tendency to put up walls around themselves.  They are afraid to let anyone see what’s going on inside.  Often they’re fearful of what others will think.  So instead of risking rejection, they don’t open up all.  The consequence is that these thoughts, feelings, and emotions are bottled up inside until they explode out in negative ways like porn, alcohol, angry outbursts, nervous breakdowns, etc.  

Men need opportunities to be vulnerable.  They need to show emotion.  Yes, men should remain steadfast and in control in front of their families.  Families need to see strength.  But men need someone with whom they can be vulnerable and express what is going on in their lives.  

In the interest of putting up a wall of strength, men put up a wall around everything.  You can build an impenetrable castle wall, but you know what happens when someone lays siege to it?  It slowly dies from the inside out.  

We need to learn when to show strength, and when to find opportunities to open up to other men through deep conversation.

2. Men think deep conversations are for women

Far too many men think that deep, heartfelt conversations are for women.  If male conversation strays from anything other than sports, beer, music, cars, and politics, you’re requested to turn in your man card.  

Women are more conversational and emotional, yes, but that doesn’t mean men cannot have meaningful discussions.  You’re not effeminate or less of a man if you talk about the issues you struggle with in your life.  Men need to discuss their weaknesses.  They need to seek help from other men.  

You can and should have open and intimate conversations with your wife.  But nothing can replace the bond that can form when two men grow in friendship.  It’s not “gay” or a “bromance.”  It’s fraternity.  It’s comradery.  It’s brotherhood.

3. Men do not have the proper place for conversation.

One of the biggest reasons men don’t engage in deep conversation is they lack the proper venue to do so.  Many so-called “men’s groups” never actually engage in deep conversation either.  I’ve been a part of many church bible studies for men that dance around the tough conversations.  Most workplaces don’t offer a suitable environment for meaningful discussions either.  In other areas, men are so scared of “offending” anyone that they never bring up anything substantial or potentially controversial.

The result is men have no place to actually have a meaningful discussion even if they wanted to.

If you’re going to thrive as a man, you must find a group of men to bond with.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another”

Proverbs 27:17

Men grow by bonding with other men.  They push each other to be better, support one another, and keep everyone accountable.  

Men need a tribe.

You can find your tribe in a close group of like-minded friends who are willing to band together as brothers.  You can find it in fraternities like the Masons.  I’m actively involved in my Masonic lodge and the relationships that I’ve made there are deep and close.  

Believe it or not, you can also find this tribe online.  I’m part of the Fraternity of Excellence, a brotherhood of exceptional men. We gather together online from around the world to be a place where men can be men, have meaningful conversations, and learn from each other.  

I recently went to a meet-up with 25 men from F.O.E. and it was one of the greatest experiences of my life.  We bonded as brothers, we faced challenges together, and we became better men.  We had deep, intense conversations expressing where we are weak so we can learn to become strong. 

Men today are in search of deep conversation.  They need intimate relationships.  They’re crying out for brotherhood.

I challenge you brother, find a tribe where you can engage in meaningful conversations. Connect with other men so that you can share your burdens and learn from each other.

Brotherhood is born in conversation.

Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

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One-on-one coaching can help you finally break free
from porn addiction once and for all.

  • One-On-One Video Calls
  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

Are you next???

Who Wears The Pants? 10 Ways Men Must Lead Their Families

Who “wears the pants” in your family?

If the answer is not unquestionably you, you’re failing as a man. 

Masculinity begets leadership.  Masculinity IS leadership.  Man was born to lead.  This is his purpose, his duty, and where he finds fulfillment.  

Men, it is your job to lead your family.  It is not your wife’s.  And if you’re not ready to lead a family, you’re not ready to have a family.  

One of the sharpest insults someone can say about a man is that his wife “wears the pants.”  It implies emasculation.  Which it is.  It means he isn’t man enough to be in charge.  

But it also says something about the wife. By having to “wear the pants” it means she’s not “wearing a dress.”  i.e. she’s not being feminine.  Too often, women take on the masculine leadership role not because they are domineering, feminist women, but because they have to.  Someone has to lead and far too often the men can’t or won’t.  Believe me, women don’t want to “wear the pants,” but they’re often forced to.  

If a man is the leader and head of his household as he should be, his wife can take on the feminine, nurturing role she was made for.  This whole equality movement between the sexes we’ve seen over the years is nonsense.  There is a difference between equal value and equal role.  Of course men and women have equal value.  We are both made in the image of God, but we are not equal in role. 

Men, it’s up to YOU to take charge and be the leader of your family.  

But there’s more to leading your family than simply being “in charge.”  

Here are 10 ways that a man should lead his family.

1. Spiritually

I believe leading your family spiritually is the most important role of a husband and father.  If you’re not leading your family spiritually, you’re not leading your family at all.  

You need to set the example for faith in your home.  Want your kids to pray? Pray with them.  Want your kids to read the Bible? Read it yourself.  And the big one… Want your kids to go to church? Go with them.

Much has been said about the feminization of the church in recent years.  Some of this is a result of the culture, but another reason is because there aren’t men there to lead it!  

If your wife goes to church more than you do, you are NOT leading your family.

Instill the spiritual values you hold dear into your children.  Teach them the importance of faith and salvation.  Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Men, be the pastor of your own household.

2. Physical Fitness

No good man allows their family to become fat.  How can you provide, protect, and lead your family if you’re not physically fit to do so?  How can you lead your family if you drop dead of a heart attack becasue you’re morbidly obese?

Men lead their families to be fit by being physically fit themselves.  Don’t bark at your kids for being couch potatoes when you spend every Sunday on the couch drinking beer and watching football.  

Teach your family the importance of fitness from a young age and they will carry it with them their entire lives.  

Be active with your family as well.  Go on hikes together. Ride bikes together.  You can build memories while also staying in shape.  A fun family hike will be remembered much longer than family movie night.  

Be fit, and they will follow.

3. Communication

To be an effective leader, you need to be an effective communicator.  Talk to your family.  Don’t sweep things under the rug.  If there are issues that need to be addressed, deal with them right away.  

No issue should ever be off limits.  If you don’t establish proper communication, when your kids get older, they won’t come to you with issues in their lives and you’ll have no idea what is going on.

The best way to enable effective communication is through family meetings.  Schedule a time once a week to sit down together and discuss the issues you need to discuss as a family. 

4. Preparedness

There’s an old adage that says, “Failing to plan is planning to fail.”  Men who are effective leaders are prepared for everything.  They are prepared to handle expected and especially, unexpected changes.  

When SHTF whether it’s financially, politically, emotionally, physically, or in any other way, your family will look to you to lead and you better have a plan.  Not only is it important to have a plan, it’s important to share your plan.  Your family should know what to do in case of an emergency.

Leading your family requires being prepared for every situation.

5. Strength

It goes without saying men need to be strong.  But not just physically strong, emotionally and mentally strong as well.  You’ll be no good as leader if you crumble under pressure.

When your family looks to you, they should see strength, fortitude, and perseverance.  They should never see weakness, indecision, or doubt.  It’s not that men can’t have these feelings, we all do, but your family should never see them.  This is why men need brotherhood and fraternity.  It provides them a place to be vulnerable and accountable so that they can show their families strength.

6. Be The Change

If you want your family to change, change yourself first.  My good friend, Zac Small, often says, “Your kids will follow your actions, not your advice.”

We’ve probably all had a boss who expected something of us, but didn’t follow the rules themselves.  How do we all feel about that boss? We couldn’t stand him.  Your family feels the same way about you if you’re a hypocrite.

Don’t ever ask your family to do something you’re not willing to do yourself.  Once they start seeing the results of the positive changes you’re making, you won’t need to tell them to change, they’ll follow your lead.

7. Earn Respect, Not Demand It

If you have to demand respect, you aren’t worthy of respect. 

If you’re leading your family the way you should be, your wife and children will respect you.  If they don’t it’s because you’re not being the man and leader they want and need you to be.  

Yes, your children should obey you simply because you’re their father, but it doesn’t mean they respect you.  

Be a man of honor, integrity, and true to your word, and they will respect you.

8. Finances

Finances are one area where many men struggle, often because they weren’t taught themselves.  Take the time to get a good financial education and get your finances in proper order.

You can’t properly lead your family if you’re broke.  Get out of debt, save for a rainy day and invest for the future.  Then teach everything you’ve learned to your family.  Financial education in schools is horrendous. Make sure they learn the truth about money from you.  

9. Teaching

A good man not only leads, he teaches.  

The best teacher your children ever have shouldn’t be found in a school.  They should be found in the home. 

Instead of doing things for them, teach them how to do it themselves.  The old proverb, “Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime” rings true here.

Pass along the skills you’ve learned, but also pass along the lessons you’ve learned.  Share with them the mistakes you’ve made and how to avoid them.   

Instead of telling your family what to do, teach them what to do.  

10. Responsibility

A good man and a good leader takes responsibility. He doesn’t deflect blame or “pass the buck.”  If you messed up, admit it, accept the consequences, and learn from it.  

So many of the problems in today’s world stem from people’s refusal to accept the consequences for their actions and take responsibility.  The first thing people do when something goes wrong is to find someone else to blame.

That’s not how men work and not how good leaders act.  Take ownership of your actions and your decisions.  No one is responsible for you but you.  As President Truman often said, “The buck stops here.” 

But you are also responsible for the actions of those you are leading.  The behavior of your family is a reflection on your leadership.  If something is not right, it’s your responsibility to make sure it gets corrected.  

True leaders are accountable and responsible for every action that they take every action of those under them.  


There are undoubtedly many more ways in which men need to be leaders of their families.  Truth is, we should never stop trying to find more and better ways to lead.  

You will fail as a leader.  I have failed in many ways and many times.  The important thing is to learn from failure and to never give up.

The only people to never fail are the people who never tried.  

If you want to be the one who “wears the pants” in your family, you must be a strong and effective leader.


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Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

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One-on-one coaching can help you finally break free
from porn addiction once and for all.

  • One-On-One Video Calls
  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

Are you next???

5 Things You MUST Do To Quit Porn

Porn addiction is real.

There’s no denying this. People may argue whether or not it’s moral, but you cannot argue that it has a devastating effect on society, young men in particular.

According to Covenant Eyes, 63% of 18-30 year olds watch porn multiple times a week and 79% view porn at least once a month.

In addition, porn use is cited in 56% of divorces.  It has been shown to increase anxiety, depression, low testosterone, and isolation.  

Porn addiction is also leading to issues of erectile dysfunction among an increasing number of men.  Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction is caused by men viewing porn so much that their brain requires pornographic stimulation to achieve erection and they are unable to perform when they try to have sex with their partner.

I have experienced the damage of porn addiction first hand.  I was addicted to pornography and sex for over 15 years.  What started as teenage curiosity turned into destructive compulsive behavior that led to extreme depression, destroyed relationships, and nearly ended my marriage.  My addiction also escalated from watching porn to viewing webcams, to chatrooms and even into online hookups, sex clubs, and orgies.  It led me to behavior I otherwise would have found abhorrent.

Yet, I broke free from all of it!  How?  I was exposed.  My behavior was uncovered and revealed to my wife, my family, and my friends.  It was hidden for years, but having my behavior brought to light was a wake up call.  I had tried to quit many times before but fell back into my addiction every time.  Yet, this last time was different.  Enough was enough.  I looked myself in the mirror, hated what looked back at me, and decided I finally had to get serious help.

Through a combination of coaching, counseling, great mentors, a whole lot of prayer, and the love and support of my family, I quit porn once and for all.  It wasn’t an easy battle, but I never quit.  

Maybe you’re feeling the same way?  Maybe you’ve been battling this addiction for years, keeping your secrets in the dark, hoping they’ll go away, but never being able to actually quit.  Maybe your wife found out and gave you the ultimatum: quit or else.  Maybe you’re just sick and tired of the cycle of shame and regret that porn addiction causes.

Whatever your reason, you want to quit porn or you wouldn’t be reading this article.

A whole lot of work goes into quitting a compulsive addiction like pornography, much more than can be explained in a single article, but here are five things you MUST do if you want to quit porn.

  1. Have Accountability

You cannot defeat porn addiction alone.  You’ve probably tried for years now and have gotten nowhere.  You must have someone who is battling alongside you, encouraging you, and making sure you’re staying on course.  

In my book and video series, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal, I discuss the importance of having a “Nathan.”  Nathan was the prophet who called King David out for his sin of adultery with Bathsheba.   David needed a friend with the courage to keep him accountable.  He needed a brother to help him realize his errors and seek redemption.

I wouldn’t have made the progress I’ve made in my own recovery from porn addiction if I hadn’t had friends who supported me and kept me accountable.  Having someone who you can go to with complete confidence and knowing they’re going to tell it to you straight is essential if you’re going to quit porn. 

  1. Get off the devices

We all know we spend way too much time on our phones, computers, and in front of the TV.  This is a problem for almost everyone these days.  But electronic devices hold a greater danger for men who struggle with porn.  Many men who are addicted to porn access it exclusively on a smartphone.  You have constant, free access to porn in your pocket anytime, anywhere.

It’s so easy to be mindlessly scrolling social media, see a triggering image, and next thing you know, you’re on a porn site and your hand is creeping down your pants.  You may think you’re strong enough to avoid all the “models” on social media.  Trust me, you’re not.  

If you’re going to defeat porn addiction, you have to defeat device addiction first.  Establish the habit of turning off all your devices for a set amount of time each day.  Turn off notifications too.  You don’t need to be notified of everything.  Turning off devices after a certain time each night before bed is especially helpful.  Many men, myself included, struggled the most at night.  Removing access to your device removes access to porn.

  1. Get Active

Continual porn use leads to isolation, lethargy, and anxiety.  These things also lead to the urge to seek porn for relief causing an endless cycle..  One of the best ways to fight against porn addiction is to stay active.

Physical activity provides a healthy way to release stress and anxiety.  It fights off depression and anxiety.  It improves mood, releases stress, and leads to an all around healthier lifestyle.

When you find yourself tempted, get up and move!  Don’t keep staring at the screen. If you feel like you need a release of tension, go do something physical.  Run, lift weights, ride a bike, whatever you can do to refocus your mind and body.  You cannot live a sedentary lifestyle and expect to defeat porn addiction.   

So many men use porn as a release from stress.  In order to quit, you need a healthy way to alleviate that tension.  Get outside, take in some sunshine and vitamin D.  During my recovery, I lost 35 pounds.  Everytime I felt an urge, I did push ups, went for a walk, played sports, or engaged in some sort of physical activity.  To defeat porn, you must get active. 

  1. Establish Routine

Building routine is vital to quitting porn.  Routine keeps you consistent, encourages good habits, and helps avoid triggering situations.  Regular routines also help to achieve small victories throughout the day to build momentum in your battle.

In my battle with porn addiction, I had to establish new daily routines.  My old way of life made it too easy for me to succumb to the temptation to watch porn.  So, I build new routines to avoid any situation which could cause me to relapse, while at the same time providing a way to decompress and reduce stress.

Some things you can do as part of your routine are to journal, read books, meditate, and exercise.  Exactly what you do as part of your routine is up to you.  The important part is to stay consistent.  Regularly keeping your routine will avoid the times where temptation could get the best of you.

  1. Work Through Emotions

The most important thing you must do in order to quit porn is to face your emotions.  Porn addiction rarely has anything to do with sex.  But it has everything to do with how you handle pain and emotions.

You use porn to “escape” emotional pain, trauma, anxiety, and depression.  Eventually your brain re-wired itself to seek out porn the instant you’re faced with any negative emotion so that you became addicted not to the porn itself, but to the dopamine rush you used to self-medicate pain in your life.

That’s why quitting is so hard.  It’s not just breaking bad habits, it’s learning how to properly cope with that pain you’ve been using porn to avoid. You must learn to sit with those emotions and feel them, process them, and manage them in a healthy way. You need to grieve any loss, forgive wrongs, and dispel the painful lies about yourself you have come to believe. This process is what breaks you free from the bonds that hold you captive to your addiction.

Coaching and counseling can help you work through these emotions and learn how to process pain in a healthy way.  This is what I’ve helped hundreds of men work through in order to find freedom from porn addiction.

Defeating porn addiction requires revealing the true cause of the addiction.  The cause isn’t a higher sex drive or perversion.  The cause is something deep with you that you use porn to escape from.  To finally quit porn for good, you must work through those emotions.

I offer one-on-one coaching if you feel you need someone to come alongside and support you in your battle. I provide personal guidance to create a plan to fight your addiction and accountability to keep you on track.

Contact me at timothy@intothewildernessblog.com or Direct Message me on Twitter @Timothy Reigle if one- on-one coaching could help in your battle to live porn free.

For more in-depth guidance on defeating porn addiction, start my online video coaching course, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal. This book will show you the methods I used to finally overcome my addiction, find healing, and live a life free from porn addiction. 

Putting these five things in to practice will help you to quit porn.  It will be the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but you can do it brother.  I believe in you.  If I can turn my back on porn addiction after 15 years, so can you.

Just remember to always keep fighting, stay strong, and never, ever give up and you can quit porn for good.

Click HERE To get
Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewa
l


Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

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One-on-one coaching can help you finally break free
from porn addiction once and for all.

  • One-On-One Video Calls
  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

Are you next???

Is Masturbation Ok?

Hardly a day goes by when I do not receive a message or an email from someone asking something like this, “I have gone X days without watching porn, but I still masturbate regularly.  Is that ok?”

Is masturbation without porn ok?

Unfortunately, there isn’t really a simple yes or no answer to that question.  So let’s break it down a bit.

Watching porn and masturbation are two completely separate acts.  One involves visual stimulation.  The other involves physical stimulation.  However, they’re almost always performed in conjunction with one another. The whole point of watching porn is for sexual pleasure, so there is almost always masturbation to provide the sexual release.  

Very rarely do men watch porn without masturbating as well.   When men say, “I’m addicted to porn”, they’re not simply admitting to sitting in front of a screen watching porn for hours.  They’re addicted to watching porn and masturbating.  I know of very few men who only enjoyed watching porn and not also masturbating to it.

The same cannot be said of the opposite situation, however.  Men very often will masturbate without watching porn, especially in the shower.   It’s not usually that hard for a man to achieve erection and orgasm without visual aids.  Sometimes just touching themselves is enough stimulation to get off.  Most often, however, men will go into their mental bank of sexual images or replay sexual encounters in their minds eye to give them the stimulation they need.  Fantasizing is another activity men use to masturbate to.  Basically, they create their own porn with their thoughts.

Therein lies the problem with masturbation.  It usually still involves some type of sexual imagery and lust, even if it’s only in your mind.  The only difference between masturbating to fantasies and masturbating to porn is that there is no physical image to look at.  Besides that, you’re still lusting sexually after a woman.   

Lust is sin, whether physical or imagined.  

There is no difference between watching explicit porn, and undressing a woman with your eyes who you see walking down the street.  

Secondly, the major issue of porn and sex addiction isn’t porn itself, or even masturbation itself, it’s the result of both:  Orgasm.  

You watch porn so you can masturbate.  You masturbate so you can orgasm.  Ejaculating is the purpose of both.   Orgasm is when your brain is flooded with dopamine and serotonin.  This is what gives you the euphoric feeling when you orgasm.  It’s this good feeling that we run to to “escape” the emotions that are driving the addiction.   When you are triggered by whatever emotional wound is causing your addiction, you run to porn, masturbation, and orgasm to feel better.It’s the release of this “drug” at orgasm that we actually get addicted to. 

In this way, masturbation alone is no better than watching porn.  You’re still avoiding the pain in your life, you’re just not using sexual images online to do it.

So, no, Masturbation alone is not ok.  It’s not a healthy alternative to avoid watching porn because it doesn’t solve the core problem driving you to seek sexual release.  

But………………..

Masturbation can be a step in the right direction.  

Let me explain.

I often tell the men I coach that it is almost impossible to quit porn cold turkey.  Relapses are to be expected.  Where masturbation can be used in a good way is to wean yourself off the drug of porn addiction.  

While masturbation is certainly not an effective alternative to watching porn, it is marginally better.  It’s a step forward.  If a man is watching porn and masturbating five times a week and they can reduce that behavior to only masturbating five times a week, that is progress. 

Remember, two steps forward, one step back, is still moving forward.

While I will not encourage you to masturbate as an alternative to porn, it can be used as a way to gradually “detox” yourself from the addiction.  I would much rather see man gradually go from watching porn and masturbating, to only masturbating, than to see a man go with nothing for a week and then completely relapse time and time again.  One is making gradual progress, the other is stuck in a vicious cycle.

Another question that is often asked is, “Is masturbation a sin?”  The Bible does not specifically address masturbation like it does other sexual sin like adultery.   An often mentioned passage is Genesis 38 where Onan is described as “spilling his semen on the ground.” This story, however, is referring to birth control, not masturbation.  Onan was “pulling out.”

Since the vast majority of the time masturbation involves lustful sexual thoughts, I would consider it a sin.  

Bottom Line:

While masturbation can be effectively used to gradually reduce porn consumption, it is not a healthy alternative to porn or a long-term solution.  

If you want to truly live porn free, you also need to live masturbation free.


Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

Processing…
Success! You're on the list.

One-on-one coaching can help you finally break free
from porn addiction once and for all.

  • One-On-One Video Calls
  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

Are you next???