Lies and deception are everywhere in today’s world.
We believe many lies about health, politics, religion, love, and more. Lies are spread to advance an agenda. Lies are told to keep the truth from being known. Lies are spread to justify bad behavior.
I can think of few places where more lies are spread than through porn.
Porn itself is a lie. The whole goal is to make you, the viewer, imagine that YOU are having sex with that hot girl. They want you to put yourself in the male models place. This is why “point of view” porn has become so popular. But that girl doesn’t even know who you are, let alone want to have sex with you. Chances are, she doesn’t even want to have sex with the person she is having sex with in the video.
It’s all a lie.
Not only does porn itself lie to us. Lies are spread about it. Over the past 20 years, there has been a major destigmatization of porn in western culture. Even if people were watching it, it was taboo to admit it or to talk about it. Now, you’re often looked at funny if you don’t watch it.
Too many men have fallen for the lies of porn.
They’ve got you hook, line, and sinker and they know it. You’re in so deep now, you don’t even know how to stop. If more men are going to break free from porn and help the next generation avoid it altogether, we have to stop believing the lies.
Here are 10 lies about porn:
1. Porn Is Normal
Porn is NOT normal. It’s not natural to watch other people have sex and pleasure yourself to it. You’re supposed to be actually having sex yourself. Porn tricks you into thinking you’re having sex. But you’re just sitting there alone with your dick in your hand. The dopamine rush you get from it makes you think you’ve sought after, romanced, seduced, and bedded a woman, when all you’ve actually done is click on a screen.
Porn rewires your brain so much that you can end up preferring to watch porn versus actually having real sex with a woman! That is NOT normal.
2. You Need Porn
No one needs porn. It’s not necessary for you to masturbate. It’s not needed to “spice up” a relationship. You’ve just gotten hooked on the dopamine so much that you’re addicted to it. You can actually go through withdrawals from not watching porn. Your brian will literally rewire itself by creating new neural pathways so that when something triggers you, your mind craves porn instantly and isn’t satisfied until it gets it. This is why quitting porn is so hard.
But it’s a lie. You don’t need it. You’re just addicted to it. You can break free from it and will be much happier for it
3. Porn Is Healthy
This is one of the most laughable lies about porn. There is nothing healthy about porn. There are no health benefits to watching pixels on a screen. In fact, it’s incredibly unhealthy. First, from a mental and emotional standpoint, it leads to increased anxiety, depression, feelings of shame and regret.
It also causes physical problems. We’re just starting to learn more about Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction. Men are experiencing problems achieving and maintaining an erection when they go to engage in real sex. And this isn’t just the old dudes in Viagra commercials of yesteryear. These are YOUNG men. Men in their teens and twenties. Look at the ED advertisements these days. They’re marketed towards younger and younger men; men who should be in the prime of their virility. Yet, they’ve desensitized themselves so much by watching porn, that their brain doens’t even get excited with the prospect of real sex.
4. Porn Is Victimless
To think that there are no victims of porn is a joke. We are finally starting to the see the truth come out about the horrors of the porn industry and it’s ties to sex trafficking. Even many amateur porn videos are posted without the consent of the people depicted, causing women’s lives and reputations to be destroyed.
The other victims of porn are the people affected by the man who watches it; his wife and family. I’ve seen this damage firsthand. Porn addiction destroys marriages, breaks up families, and has even ended careers. The pain caused by the lies, the deceit, and the betrayal of trust is unmeasurable.
Lastly, the man himself is victimized by porn. It can lead to incredible emotional damage as well as the physical effects we’ve already discussed. Men feel trapped, stuck in an endless cycle that they try so hard to get out of, only to fall back into it’s grasp time and time again. Porn is not victimless.
5. You Deserve It
You are not entitled to watch porn. You have not “earned” it because you had a rough week. It’s not a reward. You may think of it as a “treat” to indulge in. But like many treats, it is terrible for you in the long run.
Many men think they deserve porn because their wife doesn’t want to have sex with them as much as they want it. It’s the old, “not tonight, dear” problem. This is a topic that could be discussed for hours on its own. But I’ll summarize it in this. Would you want to have sex with you? Are you in shape? Are you leading your family? Are you taking on the masculine role you’re designed for so your wife can embrace her femininity? Trust me, if you’re in shape, driven, able to still excite your wife, and are leading her and your family the way you should be, you won’t have to worry about a sexless marriage.
6. Everyone Watches Porn
Porn has become so commonplace among men today everyone just assumes that everyone does it. And it IS rampant among men. Studies vary, but show anywhere from 65-85% of men watch porn regularly. Some might say the other percentage are lying.
While it may seem like everyone does it, that’s no reason to justify it. In fact, more and more men are realizing the dangers of porn and fighting back to break free. The #nofap movement has gained huge traction the last couple of years. You’re even hearing celebrities like Terry Crews, Russell Brand, and even Joe Rogan talk about the dangers of porn. Men are realizing the damage it has done to their lives, their marriages, their physical and mental health, and they are deciding enough is enough.
7. Porn Helps You Relax
Many men say they need porn to relax or to go to sleep. It’s true, many hormones are released upon orgasm which make you feel tired, but porn is not a natural way to get them. It’s not the porn that’s relaxing you, it’s the flood of those hormones and endorphins. You get so hooked on them that you feel like you need it to go to sleep. You’ve tricked your brain into thinking it has to have it to sleep well. It’s a lie. There are many ways to naturally activate those endorphins in your brain and many more ways to relax and decompress before bedtime.
8. Porn Isn’t Really Cheating
This is a conversation I have discussed at length here. The argument is that porn is not really cheating because you’re not actually having sex with someone else. While true, it certainly is a betrayal of trust, deceitful behavior, and breaks the bonds of marriage. It can certainly have the same damaging effect on a marriage than a physical affair can. I do not, however, feel that porn is equal to the physical act of adultery, but it can be equally as devastating. If you have to hide it from your wife, if she would be hurt if she found out you do it, if you’re lying to cover your tracks, it’s cheating.
9. You Need Porn To “Get It Up”
Many men feel like they need porn to get an erection. We’ve already talked about Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction and the damage it can cause. The problem is that our brain reacts to the dopamine released when we watch porn. That’s the euphoric feeling you get from it. Eventually, like any other drug, your brain needs more of it to get the same “high”. But unlike other drugs, you don’t just take more of it, you need different porn. Men generally don’t just watch the same video over and over again. They’re always looking for something new, something exciting. This is how porn addiction can escalate into darker, kinkier, and fetish porn and even escalate into other compulsive sexual behavior. I’ve written about how porn is a gateway drug. You don’t need it porn to get it up, you’ve just desensitized yourself so much that your brain constantly requires new and exciting images to get the same stimulation.
10. Porn Is How You Learn About Sex
To me, this is one of the most dangerous lies about porn. Men think that they will learn about sex through porn. They believe by watching what the men do in porn videos, they’ll learn what women really want and they’ll become a great lover. “The women in porn seem to LOVE it, of course my partner will.”
First of all, porn actors are exactly that, Actors. They’re putting on a show. Second, this lie has led many young men to believe that what they see in porn is what women want. They see what actors do and think that all women are begging to be used in that way. This has led many men to pressure their wives and partners into sex acts that are degrading and humliating.
We must do a better job of teaching our young men about sex. If the only thing we teach them about sex is “dont have it,” we’re failing them.
It’s time we dispelled these lies about porn. Too many men are falling victim to the lies and become ensnared by porn addiction. Men, especially young men, must hear the truth about porn. They must know the facts about the dangers involved and the consequences that can be a result.
Let’s stop the lies.