Stop Believing These 10 Lies About Porn

Lies and deception are everywhere in today’s world.  

We believe many lies about health, politics, religion, love, and more.  Lies are spread to advance an agenda.  Lies are told to keep the truth from being known.  Lies are spread to justify bad behavior.

I can think of few places where more lies are spread than through porn.  

Porn itself is a lie.  The whole goal is to make you, the viewer, imagine that YOU are having sex with that hot girl.  They want you to put yourself in the male models place.  This is why “point of view” porn has become so popular.   But that girl doesn’t even know who you are, let alone want to have sex with you.  Chances are, she doesn’t even want to have sex with the person she is having sex with in the video. 

It’s all a lie.

Not only does porn itself lie to us.  Lies are spread about it.  Over the past 20 years, there has been a major destigmatization of porn in western culture.  Even if people were watching it, it was taboo to admit it or to talk about it.  Now, you’re often looked at funny if you don’t watch it.

Too many men have fallen for the lies of porn.

They’ve got you hook, line, and sinker and they know it.  You’re in so deep now, you don’t even know how to stop.   If more men are going to break free from porn and help the next generation avoid it altogether, we have to stop believing the lies.

Here are 10 lies about porn:

1. Porn Is Normal

Porn is NOT normal.  It’s not natural to watch other people have sex and pleasure yourself to it.  You’re supposed to be actually having sex yourself.  Porn tricks you into thinking you’re having sex.  But you’re just sitting there alone with your dick in your hand.  The dopamine rush you get from it makes you think you’ve sought after, romanced, seduced, and bedded a woman, when all you’ve actually done is click on a screen.  

Porn rewires your brain so much that you can end up preferring to watch porn versus actually having real sex with a woman!  That is NOT normal.  

2. You Need Porn

No one needs porn. It’s not necessary for you to masturbate.  It’s not needed to “spice up” a relationship. You’ve just gotten hooked on the dopamine so much that you’re addicted to it.  You can actually go through withdrawals from not watching porn.  Your brian will literally rewire itself by creating new neural pathways so that when something triggers you, your mind craves porn instantly and isn’t satisfied until it gets it.  This is why quitting porn is so hard.  

But it’s a lie.  You don’t need it.  You’re just addicted to it.  You can break free from it and will be much happier for it

3. Porn Is Healthy

This is one of the most laughable lies about porn.  There is nothing healthy about porn.  There are no health benefits to watching pixels on a screen.  In fact, it’s incredibly unhealthy.  First, from a mental and emotional standpoint, it leads to increased anxiety, depression, feelings of shame and regret.  

It also causes physical problems.  We’re just starting to learn more about Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction.  Men are experiencing problems achieving and maintaining an erection when they go to engage in real sex.  And this isn’t just the old dudes in Viagra commercials of yesteryear.  These are YOUNG men.  Men in their teens and twenties.  Look at the ED advertisements these days. They’re marketed towards younger and younger men; men who should be in the prime of their virility.  Yet, they’ve desensitized themselves so much by watching porn, that their brain doens’t even get excited with the prospect of real sex.  

4. Porn Is Victimless

To think that there are no victims of porn is a joke.  We are finally starting to the see the truth come out about the horrors of the porn industry and it’s ties to sex trafficking.  Even many amateur porn videos are posted without the consent of the people depicted, causing women’s lives and reputations to be destroyed.  

The other victims of porn are the people affected by the man who watches it; his wife and family.  I’ve seen this damage firsthand.  Porn addiction destroys marriages, breaks up families, and has even ended careers.  The pain caused by the lies, the deceit, and the betrayal of trust is unmeasurable.

Lastly, the man himself is victimized by porn.  It can lead to incredible emotional damage as well as the physical effects we’ve already discussed.  Men feel trapped, stuck in an endless cycle that they try so hard to get out of, only to fall back into it’s grasp time and time again.  Porn is not victimless.

5. You Deserve It

You are not entitled to watch porn.  You have not “earned” it because you had a rough week.  It’s not a reward. You may think of it as a “treat” to indulge in.  But like many treats, it is terrible for you in the long run.  

Many men think they deserve porn because their wife doesn’t want to have sex with them as much as they want it.  It’s the old, “not tonight, dear” problem.  This is a topic that could be discussed for hours on its own.  But I’ll summarize it in this.  Would you want to have sex with you?  Are you in shape? Are you leading your family?  Are you taking on the masculine role you’re designed for so your wife can embrace her femininity?  Trust me, if you’re in shape, driven, able to still excite your wife, and are leading her and your family the way you should be, you won’t have to worry about a sexless marriage.  

6. Everyone Watches Porn

Porn has become so commonplace among men today everyone just assumes that everyone does it.  And it IS rampant among men.  Studies vary, but show anywhere from 65-85% of men watch porn regularly. Some might say the other percentage are lying.  

While it may seem like everyone does it, that’s no reason to justify it.  In fact, more and more men are realizing the dangers of porn and fighting back to break free.  The #nofap movement has gained huge traction the last couple of years.  You’re even hearing celebrities like Terry Crews, Russell Brand, and even Joe Rogan talk about the dangers of porn.  Men are realizing the damage it has done to their lives, their marriages, their physical and mental health, and they are deciding enough is enough.  

7. Porn Helps You Relax

Many men say they need porn to relax or to go to sleep.  It’s true, many hormones are released upon orgasm which make you feel tired, but porn is not a natural way to get them.  It’s not the porn that’s relaxing you, it’s the flood of those hormones and endorphins.  You get so hooked on them that you feel like you need it to go to sleep.  You’ve tricked your brain into thinking it has to have it to sleep well.   It’s a lie.  There are many ways to naturally activate those endorphins in your brain and many more ways to relax and decompress before bedtime.  

8. Porn Isn’t Really Cheating

This is a conversation I have discussed at length here.  The argument is that porn is not really cheating because you’re not actually having sex with someone else.  While true, it certainly is a betrayal of trust, deceitful behavior, and breaks the bonds of marriage.  It can certainly have the same damaging effect on a marriage than a physical affair can.  I do not, however, feel that porn is equal to the physical act of adultery, but it can be equally as devastating.  If you have to hide it from your wife, if she would be hurt if she found out you do it, if you’re lying to cover your tracks, it’s cheating. 

9. You Need Porn To “Get It Up”

Many men feel like they need porn to get an erection.  We’ve already talked about Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction and the damage it can cause.  The problem is that our brain reacts to the dopamine released when we watch porn.  That’s the euphoric feeling you get from it.  Eventually, like any other drug, your brain needs more of it to get the same “high”.  But unlike other drugs, you don’t just take more of it, you need different porn.  Men generally don’t just watch the same video over and over again. They’re always looking for something new, something exciting.  This is how porn addiction can escalate into darker, kinkier, and fetish porn and even escalate into other compulsive sexual behavior.  I’ve written about how porn is a gateway drug. You don’t need it porn to get it up, you’ve just desensitized yourself so much that your brain constantly requires new and exciting images to get the same stimulation.

10. Porn Is How You Learn About Sex

To me, this is one of the most dangerous lies about porn.  Men think that they will learn about sex through porn.  They believe by watching what the men do in porn videos, they’ll learn what women really want and they’ll become a great lover.  “The women in porn seem to LOVE it, of course my partner will.”  

First of all, porn actors are exactly that, Actors.  They’re putting on a show.  Second, this lie has led many young men to believe that what they see in porn is what women want.  They see what actors do and think that all women are begging to be used in that way.  This has led many men to pressure their wives and partners into sex acts that are degrading and humliating.    

We must do a better job of teaching our young men about sex.  If the only thing we teach them about sex is “dont have it,” we’re failing them.  

It’s time we dispelled these lies about porn.  Too many men are falling victim to the lies and become ensnared by porn addiction.  Men, especially young men, must hear the truth about porn.  They must know the facts about the dangers involved and the consequences that can be a result.  

Let’s stop the lies.  

What Are You REALLY Addicted To?

We use the term “Addiction” a lot these days.  In fact, we probably over-use the term.  

In many ways, we’ve degraded the seriousness of addiction by using it to describe things that aren’t really an addiction.  “I’m addicted to chocolate.” I’m addicted to this TV show.”  There’s even the classic, yet cringy, song “Addicted To Love” by Robert Palmer.

This can make real addiction, people who are physically, chemically, or emotionally dependent on a substance or behavior, seem like it’s not all that bad.  It can lessen the seriousness of true addiction.  

True addiction is devastating.  Addiction will destroy everything you love.  Not CAN.   Given time, it WILL.  

Addiction destroys marriages, families, relationships, careers, and far too often, takes someone’s life.

My ministry is helping men who battle Porn and Sex Addiction. I battled through the darkness for over 15 years before finding freedom.  My mission is to help other men fighting the same battle break free from it’s chains.

When I start coaching a man who’s struggling with porn addiction, I always try to the find the answer to this question:

What are you REALLY addicted to?

That may seem obvious.  He’s addicted to porn.  Well, here’s some hard truth for you.

You are not addicted to porn.  You’re addicted to escaping your problems.

You are not chemically addicted to porn.   There is nothing in porn itself that you become dependent on.  Unlike alcohol or drugs, there is nothing that you can ingest to give you a dependency.

Instead, you are addicted to using porn to escape negative emotions in life that you are unable or unwilling to deal with.  

What you actually become chemically addicted to is dopamine.  At orgasm you experience a flood of hormones, primarily dopamine but also a cocktail of other neurotransmitters and endorphins.  That’s the “rush” you’re seeking when you watch porn.  It makes you feel euphoric.  It makes all the problems go away for a time.  It feels good. 

When you feel overwhelmed, stressed, depressed, anxious, or whatever emotion it may be, you can run to porn to escape it.

Porn addiction isn’t dependency.  It’s escapism. Instead of dealing with whatever is the underlying issue in your life, you use porn to cover it up. 

Using porn to deal with pain is like slapping a band-aid over a bullethole. It only covers up the problem and does nothing to heal the wound.

This is why so many men try and try but can never quit watching porn.  They’re not treating the “bullet hole.”  

Porn is not just a bad habit.  It’s not a behavior that you can just train yourself out of.  It stems from years of using the dopamine rush as self-medication to treat the problems in your life instead of dealing with them.

So, you might ask, “If I’m not addicted to porn, but to escapism, how do I break free?”

  1. Dig deep into your heart to discover what it is that you are trying to escape from.

You’re using porn to treat something.  You’re not just hornier than everyone else or have a higher sex drive.  It’s not just because your wife doesn’t want sex as much as you do. 

As I often say, “Porn Addiction is not about sex.  Porn addiction is about PAIN.”

Maybe there was trauma in your life: abuse, divorce, abandonment, rejection, etc.  Maybe you never felt loved.  Maybe you never feel like you’re good enough.  Maybe you’re so scared of rejection that you can’t face anything where there’s a chance you might be turned down.

It can be difficult to discover what that pain, what that wound, is.  That’s why having a coach, pastor, or counselor is so important in fighting addiction.  You might need professional help to do the tough self-reflection in order to find it.

Often, men hide from their weaknesses for so long and use so many “band-aids” to cover them up, it takes a lot of deep work to open up.

I work with many men who don’t think they have any trauma in their life, but after a few weeks of coaching, we discover there certainly is, and they’re using porn to escape it.

Finding the “wound’ you’re using porn to escape from is the first step towards true healing.

  1. Face whatever is you’re escaping from and learn how to process it in a healthy way.

This is honestly the hardest part of addiction recovery.  Figuring out what you’re running away from is one thing, actually learning how to deal with it is another whole battle in itself.

Facing the pain in your life is a double edged sword.  On one side, facing that pain is the only way to find true healing.  But on the other side, facing that pain is what you’ve been so scared to do all this time.  

You’ve used porn to cope for so long, that once you start facing the pain, your first instinct is to run back to the porn to make yourself feel better.  This is why relapse is almost inevitable during recovery.  It takes time to build up the strength and courage to face our inner demons.  Sometimes you’re going to go to battle and lose.  But with time, and a never give up attitude, you’ll eventually win that battle more often than not.  That is where progress is made.

Once you have the courage to face the pain, then the true healing can take place.  You can learn how to process that wound, the “bullet hole” in a healthy way.   You might need to grieve.  You might have to grieve a tangible loss like the death of a loved one.  Or maybe you need to grieve an intangible loss such as the loss of your childhood or innocence due to some type of abuse or neglect.  

You might need to learn to love yourself; to understand that you are worthy of love.  Maybe you need to understand that you have inherent value, and your self worth doesn’t come from having to be “perfect.”

In order to process your inner pain you may need to actually forgive someone for a wrong they did to you.  You may also need to forgive yourself for a wrong you did to them.  

Learning how to process pain in a healthy way instead of escaping to porn will be one of the hardest things you’ve ever done, but it’s where true healing occurs.  This work will allow you to break free from not only porn, but your addiction to escaping.

I challenge you to ask yourself that question:

What am I really addicted to?

The sooner you can answer that question, the sooner you can break free from the bonds of addiction and become the man you’re capable of being.


Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

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One-on-one coaching can help you finally break free
from porn addiction once and for all.

  • One-On-One Video Calls
  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

Are you next???

Who Is Your Nathan?

Who Is Your Nathan?

Many of us are familiar with the story of King David and Bathsheba.  

In the account described in the Bible, King David saw Bathsheba bathing on a roof and was immediately filled with intense lust for her.  He committed adultery with her knowing that she was married.  When she became pregnant, he tried to get her husband to come home to cover it up. When that scheme failed, he murdered her husband so he could have her to himself.

It’s a story of lust gone wrong in so many ways. It’s a familiar process for many men who have been shackled with sexual addiction.  It starts with simple lust, then we act on the lust, then we have to cover our tracks, then we commit worse sins in the process until we’re in way over our heads.  

Once that happens, we can’t make it out alone.  We need guidance, we need a brother to come and speak some hard truth to us and encourage us to break free.

That’s where Nathan comes in.

Many people aren’t as familiar with what happened after David’s adultery.  In 2nd Samuel chapter 12, the prophet Nathan came to David and using a story about a poor man’s lamb, manages to get the King to realize how badly he has messed up.  Rebuking the king in that way was of great risk, but David needed a friend to show him his errors. His ego wouldn’t allow him to see it himself. 

We all need a Nathan.

I would never have recovered from my sinful past if I didn’t have friends who came and slapped some sense into me. They took me to task for my mistakes and made sure I realized where I had gone wrong. As men, if we don’t have someone looking out for us, our own selfish desires and arrogance can take us down some very dark paths.

If you’re going to overcome pornography or sexual addiction, you must have a support system in place.  You cannot fight this battle alone.  You need other men who will come alongside you, support you, encourage you, and keep you accountable.

Having a brother like Nathan as a support system provides intimacy.  Most men today don’t have the slightest clue what true intimacy is. We only know the false intimacy of porn and sex. You must have someone you can trust completely and be 100% open and honest with.  He should know every deep, dark secret in your life, and there should be nothing to lose by opening up to him.  You need to be able to confide in him.  Every man needs a close friend, a brother, he can open up to, cry with, laugh with, mourn with, and celebrate with.  You need intimacy.

Second, your Nathan will provide you encouragement.  He should push you to be better and pick you up when you’re feeling down.  When you get knocked down, or you fail in your battle with addiction, he’ll come over and help you up, tell you to rub the dirt off your pants and get back in the game. He shouldn’t allow you to become complacent.  He’ll constantly be pushing you to get to the next level.  If you can make it a week without porn, he’ll push you to make two. Alone, men can get discouraged.  You need a Nathan to be your cheerleader, pushing you to be better.

Lastly, your Nathan will provide accountability.  A good brother can see through the B.S. you tell yourself and try to tell others.  You need someone who will tell us what we need to hear instead of what we want to hear.  You need someone with the courage to call you out if you are going down the wrong path.  David thought he was completely justified in his sexual desire for Bathsheba.  It took Nathan’s rebuke to get him to understand the error of his ways.  Your Nathan will check up on you. He’ll make sure you’re not lying to yourself and others.  If he sees you starting to stray away, he’ll pull you back into line.  You need a Nathan to be your accountability partner.

Who can be your Nathan?

Any close friend who has your best interests at heart can be your support system.  But, it must be a man. Under no circumstances whatsoever should your support system be a female. First for the obvious reasons. Second, we’re dealing with a male issue. You need another man who can understand what you’re going through and the obstacles you face.  

Second, it helps greatly if your Nathan has been through the battle and knows what it’s like to fight and overcome addiction.  They know what you’re going through because they’ve been there themselves.

What you’re not looking for is someone who doesn’t think what you’re doing is wrong. You may have a good buddy, but they think there’s no problem with porn, they will not be of any help to you and will probably cause you to fall even further into addiction.  Second, it should not be a close family member, especially your wife.  Your family should be aware of your battle and be a part of your recovery, but there are too many ups and downs in this fight and they are too closely affected by your addiction.

One of the best options for finding your Nathan is through a coach.  There are many men who have overcome sexual addiction and are willing to help other men in their own fight.  A coach can provide one-on-one guidance to help you finally break free. He will assist you, encourage you, and keep you accountable.  He can create a personalized plan to fight your addiction and continued support to keep you on track. While not a substance for clinical counseling or therapy, coaching can provide the support system you need.

I offer one-on-one coaching to men battling porn and sex addiction. If at any point you feel like you need a brother to come alongside you and support you, I’ll be there.  I’d be happy to get on a call with you to provide personal guidance to create a plan to fight your addiction and accountability to keep you on course.  I’ve already helped dozens of men overcome their addictions; all who once thought they were helpless.  If you feel like coaching can help you break the chains of your addiction, feel free to contact me at timothy@intothewildernessblog.com.

A coach can certainly be your Nathan.  He can be the friend and brother that you need to fight this battle alongside you.  He can be your intimate confidant, your encouraging mentor, and your accountability partner.

Just like David, we all need a Nathan by our side.

Who is your Nathan?


Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

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One-on-one coaching can help you finally break free
from porn addiction once and for all.

  • One-On-One Video Calls
  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

Are you next???

Do You Have Perseverance?

Do you have perseverance?

Do you have what it takes to keep going no matter how hard, how far, or how painful?

The sad news is that many men today are mentally weak. 

Far too often, men give up at the first sign of difficulty.  Instead of fighting through the hardship, they surrender and admit defeat.  If they get knocked backwards, they decide to simply throw in the towel instead of fighting back.  

It’s time you hardened yourself against the struggles in your life and showed some perseverance.  Fight through the failures.  Continue on the path even when it gets bumpy.  

There’s an old Navy proverb, “Calm seas never made a good sailor.”

Life is much the same way.  If you only take on battles you know you can win, you’ll never truly know what you’re capable of.

You need perseverance to push through those stormy seas; to fight on when you feel like giving up.

What is perseverance?

Perseverance is continuing to move forward despite how difficult it gets or how long it takes to see success.

The problem is, too many people can’t see beyond today.  They can’t look past the temporary pain they’re experiencing now to see the rewards of what will come later.  Men would rather find quick easy comfort NOW, rather that push on to experience the true satisfaction of accomplishment.

This is one reason porn addiction is so difficult to overcome.  It’s so much easier to run to the quick escape and easy pleasure of porn than it is to persevere through the hardships of life.  Instead of facing your problems head on and dealing with them, you use porn to avoid them.  Then you wonder why you feel shame, depression, and anxiety.  

The same can be said of fitness. It’s much easier to sit back on the couch with a beer than is to persevere through a tough workout.  

Instead of choosing the pleasures of the present, choose the payoff of perseverance.

No one ever regretted fighting through hardship to achieve victory.  you may have thought you were going through hell in the moment, but once you reach the other side, you’re always glad you kept going. 

Think about this:

Have you ever regretted a good workout once you’re done?  

Have you ever regretted pushing through and finishing that project instead of seeing it sit there half completed?

Have you ever regretted having sex with your wife instead of jerking off to porn?

Have you ever regretted reading your Bible instead of scrolling social media?

NO.

Because the rewards of perseverance are worth fighting for.

You won’t find perseverance by standing still.  Just like you need the stormy seas to make you a good sailor, you need to face trials in life in order to develop perseverance.  

You may think you’re tough as nails, but if you’re never hit with a hammer, how will you know how strong you truly are?

One of my favorite passages of Scripture is Romans 5:3-4.

“We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

Romans 5:3-4

Fighting through trials will help you develop perseverance.  Developing perseverance will build your character, and being of strong character will give you hope.   You will have hope that you can overcome any obstacle.  You will have confidence that you can face any foe.  You will have the courage to fight through battles when it feels like the odds are against you.

Modern men must develop perseverance.  The world is trying to keep you weak by enticing you with quick easy pleasures.  But strong men put on blinders against all the distractions. They can focus on the future rewards of their labors and press on through the difficulty.

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”

Winston Churchill

Don’t let temptation distract you.  Don’t let difficulty defeat you.  Don’t let pain stop you.

Find your inner grit.  Find your strength.  Find Perseverance.


Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

Processing…
Success! You're on the list.

One-on-one coaching can help you finally break free
from porn addiction once and for all.

  • One-On-One Video Calls
  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

Are you next???

Cleaning Up My Own Mess

Throughout my addiction, I always tried to deflect blame for my actions. 

I would blame my acting out on stress and anxiety.  I would blame my wife for the slightest errors and use them as justification for my actions.  I would blame God for making me this way.  I would blame society for being so sexualized.

But it took a major life event for me to realize the truth.

The mess I’m in is MY fault. 

While there are certain things that could explain my behavior, only I was responsible for my behavior.  


I had to take a good long look in the mirror and admit to myself who I was and what I was doing.  That was hard to do.  I’m a proud, confident guy.  Admitting weakness is tough.  Admitting failure was difficult.

So many others had tried to tell me I was on a self destructive path, but I didn’t listen.

The hardest person to convince to change is yourself.

But once I realized that I was responsible for my addiction, I also realized that I was responsible for my recovery.  If I got myself into this mess, then I also possessed the power to get out of it.

I had to stop wishing I would be free from addiction and start making the changes to get free.  I had to stop hoping I would get better and start planning how to do it.

Once I put my mind to change and put the pieces in place, I started finding success in my battle.  I stopped blaming everyone else for actions and took responsibility myself.  Instead of trying to paint the picture of the perfect life, I opened up about my struggles and got the help I needed.  

In order to find freedom, you have to realize this:

The mess you’re in is YOUR fault. The solution is also YOUR responsibility.

So take that long look in the mirror and admit to yourself that you, and only you, are responsible for where you’re at in life.  It may be cliche’, but the first step is always to admit that you have a problem.  The second step is to realize that you also have the power to overcome the problem within you.  

You may not think you’re strong enough.  You may not think you can do it.  And you do definitely need help.  You cannot win this battle alone.  You need support, encouragement, accountability and the love of forgiveness of God.  But you have it in you to change.  It may take some digging, but deep down that strength is in there.

Take responsibility for your actions and take responsibility for making the changes you need to make to find freedom.


It’s your mess.  It’s time you cleaned it up.


Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

Processing…
Success! You're on the list.

One-on-one coaching can help you finally break free
from porn addiction once and for all.

  • One-On-One Video Calls
  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

Are you next???

How To Restore Trust After Porn Addiction

One of the most damaging effects of porn addiction is the destruction of trust it causes in relationships.

While I do not believe that Porn Addiction itself rises to the level of Adultery or Cheating, it does break the trust established and leads to feelings of betrayal.   Wives are often left feeling broken, hurt, and used.  They often feel like they did something wrong or they are not good enough.  Many wonder how they could ever trust their husband or partner again.  

It’s often said that once trust is broken, it can never be restored.  I disagree.

I believe that trust, especially within the confines of a marriage affected by porn addiction, can be restored.    But it takes hard work.  It takes time.  It takes both a determination to change, and a willingness to forgive.  

Porn and sex addiction will change a marriage forever.  It will never be the same again.  Yet, trust can be restored and the relationship can survive and even thrive.  

I destroyed just about every shred of trust my wife had in me over my years of addiction.  I lied time and time again.  Just when she thought she could start trusting me again, I would throw it all away by relapsing and we’d be back at square one.  

What allowed my marriage to survive was the determination to never give up; from both of us.  I never gave up trying to get better and find sobriety.  My wife determined to never give up on me.  We both had to put in the hard work.  I had to dig deep to fix the issues causing my addiction and she had to work through the heartache and work toward forgiveness.

But we made it.  We fought through the roller coaster ride and made it out on the other side better than ever.  Trust has been restored, we are more intimate than ever, and our marriage has grown closer and stronger having been through the darkness together.

So if your marriage has been damaged by porn and sex addiciton, don’t give up hope.  Fight for it.  Put in the work necessary to put the broken pieces back together.

Here are five things you must do to restore trust in your relationship.

  1. Honesty

You must be 100% honest with your wife.  No more lies!  The damage has already been done.  The wound is already there.  You’re not sparing her any pain by holding back additional information.  This is something I did quite a bit.  I would be about 90% honest, but withhold something each time.  I convinced myself I was trying not to hurt her further, but in reality it was me still trying to cover my own ass and not make my actions seem as bad.  

In my book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal, I have a disclosure exercise where you will list out everything you have done in your addiction.  All of it.  Lay it out in black and white.  Confession starts the process of healing.  Do this for yourself first, to get a full grasp of the magnitude of your addiction.  Once you have done this, have a full disclosure with your spouse.  DO NOT do this alone!  Disclosure with your wife should take place in a safe and healthy environment under the direction of a professional counselor, pastor, or coach.

Trust requires absolute honesty, even if it hurts.  There is no chance of recovery if you hold information back.  

  1. Transparency

If you want to restore trust, you must be an open book.  No more secrets.  You lost your right to that when you made poor decisions.  

The Ronald Reagan quote, “Trust, but verify” fits perfectly here.  You cannot just expect your wife to start trusting you again without proof that you are doing what you say you are doing.  You may need to give her the password to your phone.  You may have to install blocking software on your devices.  You may need to give up your right to have your office door closed.  

Yes, it may be a breach of privacy.  Yes it sucks.  But you know what sucks worse? Losing your marriage.  Suck it up and do what you have to do to restore trust.

  1. Accountability

In recovery from Porn Addiction, accountability is everything.  In Living Porn Free, I discuss the importance of having a “Nathan.”  Nathan was the prophet who called King David out for his sin of adultery with Bathsheba.   David needed a friend with the courage to keep him accountable.  He needed a brother to help him realize his errors and seek redemption.

I wouldn’t have made the progress I’ve made in my own recovery from porn addiction if I hadn’t had friends who supported me and held me accountable.   Left to ourselves, we will take the easy route every time.  We need someone to check up on us, tell it to us straight, and push us forward.

However, your accountability partner must NOT be your wife. There are too many ups and downs for her to be your accountability partner.  You need a man, a brother, to be your friend and accountability partner in that battle.  You will be accountable to him, so that you can restore trust with her. 

  1. No Self Pity

When you finally make the decision to break free from porn, you feel a huge weight taken off your shoulders. When you confess, that burden of keeping secrets is removed.  You feel relieved.  You’re finally doing the right thing.  Sometimes, men feel like that should be acknowledged, like they deserve recognition for doing the right thing.  While you should be commended for taking action to quit, you’re just doing what you should have been doing from the beginning.

While you feel great for finally changing your life, you just wrecked her world!  

Don’t be selfish and expect a pat on the back for not doing something wrong.  Don’t get upset because you lost your right to privacy or have to constantly check in with your wife.  These aren’t annoyances, they’re the steps to rebuilding the trust that you damaged.  

  1. Move Forward

In order to truly restore trust and rebuild a marriage, you have to move on.  Deal with the problems, make changes that need to be made, then go forward in a new life.  Instead of living in the past, start building the future.  The fairy tale “happily ever after” marriage is over.  The facade of the perfect marriage is gone. 

This can be a good thing.  You now realize that you’re just two broken people who are determined to stick together no matter what. So start living for the future, improving your relationship day by day, and grow closer together.

I see too many marriages where they seem to want to hang on to the pain.  They want vengeance or retribution.  If you’re looking to get even, you’ll never survive.  

Forgiveness is the key to restoring a broken marriage.  Forgiveness doesn’t mean what the person did was ok.  It means giving up the right to seek retribution for the wrong committed. 

The past is the past.  You can’t change it. Learn from it, fix the problems, and move forward.I’m not going to sit here and pretend that it will be easy to restore trust that has been broken.  There are marriages that cannot survive the damage done by porn addiction.  But if you are willing to put in the hard work, follow the steps I’ve shown, and commit to fighting for your marriage, that trust can be restored. 


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  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

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Progress Over Perfection

There’s one phrase that I repeat over and over again to the men that I coach.  

“Two steps forward, one step back, is still moving forward.”

The point is that just because you might be falling short sometimes, doesn’t mean you aren’t making progress.   If you’re fighting, if you’re working hard, if you’re determined, you will continually move forward, even if you aren’t successful 100% of time.

Too often, we strive only for perfection.  While we should strive for excellence, we should be concentrating on the times when we’re successful, instead of beating ourselves up when we fail.  

I see this all the time when working with men battling porn addiction.  They try to quit porn and go for a set amount of time with no relapses, which isn’t a bad thing, but the problem comes when the “streak” ends.  Many men feel like they’ve failed when they have a setback.   But they haven’t failed.  They’ve only taken one step back.

Let’s say a man goes two weeks without watching porn, then slips up and watches porn and masturbates.  He may think he failed.  But he didn’t!  He was successful 13 days in a row and fell short one day.  That’s 13 wins and one loss.  

To use a baseball term, that’s a batting average of .928!  You wouldn’t call a guy who got on base 13 times out of 14 a failure.

Stop trying to go for the hitting streak.  Instead head to the plate looking to improve your batting average.

We need to shift our mindset from despairing over failures to celebrating victories.  Imperfect progress is better than being flawless while standing still.  Build momentum by achieving those small victories day after day.  You don’t have to take a giant leap forward every day.  Just focus on doing the little things right consistently.  Then after a time, you can look back and see how far you’ve come.  Sure, the path may not be perfectly straight, but you’re in a better place than you were before.

Progress is not a straight line.  There are detours.  There are bumps in the road.  The important thing is to keep pressing forward.  Keep fighting and don’t let those hindrances hold you back.

Here’s something you can do to help you begin to focus on the wins instead of the losses.

At the end of each day, in your journal, write down three wins that you achieved that day.  They don’t have to be something major, just three things that you succeeded in.  Sometimes just getting through the day in one piece is a win!  Writing down these wins will help you shift your mindset from perfection to progress.  You’ll start focusing on how you are winning and moving forward instead of how you might have fallen short.  It will help you build momentum.  And when you do slip up, you can look back at those lists and see how many more times you were successful versus how many times had a setback.   You will see your batting average rise over time.

My challenge to you is to focus on progress not perfection.  Just because you’re not perfect doesn’t mean you’re failing.  Your stone may have some rough edges, but that doesn’t mean the stone is worthless.  You don’t have to scrap it and start over.  You can knock off the rough edges and build it into something great.

Focus on Progress over Perfection.


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  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

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Is Adultery Forgivable?

Marriage and long term relationships always have their ups and downs.  Any one who has been in one for any length of time can tell you there will be actions you have to forgive the other partner for and you’re going to have to be willing to accept imperfections about them.

But is there anything that your spouse could do that would be unforgivable?

I’ve written at length about how damaging porn addiction is to a relationship.  I’ve also written that it does not mean the marriage is over. Many marriages have survived and even thrived after recovery from porn addiction.

But what if someone goes one step further and commits adultery?

Is adultery forgivable?

If your spouse commits adultery, and by adultery I mean actually having sexual intercourse with someone outside of the marriage, can that marriage survive?

Adultery is much more common than you think.  In a totally unscientific, i.e. Twitter, poll, I received these results.

This means a little over one in every five people have committed some form of adultery against their spouse.

For many people, adultery is a line in the sand.  If that line is crossed, divorce is the only option.  

In the Bible, Jesus does make an allowance for divorce if one partner commits sexual immorality, which would include adultery.  He also adds the caveat that if someone divorces their spouse for any reason other than sexual immorality, they themselves are committing adultery.  (Matthew 5:32)

But does this mean if someone commits adultery you MUST divorce them?

NO.

Adultery is a grave sin.  It is listed as it’s own commandment in the Ten Commandments given to Moses by God.  It’s even still on the law books in some states as a law open to prosecution.

But sin is sin is sin.  There is no sin that is “better” or “worse” in God’s eyes. The punishment for sin is death. (Romans 6:23)  Christ died to forgive us of ALL sin, no matter how horrible, damaging, or debaucherous it may be.  

He forgave the woman caught in adultery in John 8 telling her, “Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.”

If Christ is willing to forgive the sin of adultery, shouldn’t we?

YES.

If someone commits adultery against you, you should forgive them. (Matthew 6:15)  But that doesn’t mean that you have to stay married to them.

There’s a reason Jesus provided that exception to allow for divorce.  The collateral damage caused by adultery can often be too much for a marriage to overcome.  

Yet, even as bad as adultery can be, it is forgivable.  

Adultery does not have to end in divorce.

It is possible for marriages and relationships to overcome infidelity.  It is an incredibly difficult thing to do, but it can be done.

How do I know?  Because mine did.

Ready for some cold hard truth?

I’m an adulterer.

My porn and sexual addiction escalated far beyond just porn, masturbation and fantasy.  I committed adultery by having sexual relations with other women.  It did almost lead to divorce.  Things were very touch and go for some time.  But we committed to fight through all the pain and heartache.  We have survived.

I dare to say we have even thrived since all my sins were revealed.  We’re more open and honest with each other.  The “fairy tale” is over.  It hasn’t been happily ever after.  It’s been very, very difficult.  Now we can both admit that neither of us are perfect.  And “what God has joined together, let no man separate,” no matter how difficult it may be.

I certainly understand there are scenarios involving adultery where divorce is not only permissable, but necessary.  But I believe in today’s “disposable” society, marriages are often thrown away and given up on without any effort to restore them.

It’s time we fought for marriage.  If couple’s spent more time preparing for being married instead of getting married, i.e. the wedding itself, there would be many more happy marriages.

Sexual sin is growing.  The world revolves around sex these days.  My mission is to help men who have fallen into sexual sin and help them restore the damage they have done, even if it is as bad as adultery.  

No man is too broken.

No marriage is too damaged.

Christ can restore every broken heart and heal every wound. 

But we have to be willing to put in the work of forgiveness for that to happen.

Adultery IS forgivable.  

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Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

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One-on-one coaching can help you finally break free
from porn addiction once and for all.

  • One-On-One Video Calls
  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

Are you next???

The Lost Art of Deep Conversation

When was the last time you had a deep meaningful conversation with someone?

If you can’t remember, that’s a problem.

The majority of the conversations that men have are extremely shallow.  Many rarely ever go beyond the weather or sports.

But men need conversation.  We need to connect with one another on a deeper level.  There is a level of connection and intimacy that men are craving yet aren’t engaging in and it’s having consequences.

Many porn addictions are a result of a desire for intimacy, connection, and acceptance.  When men are addicted to watching porn, they’re not seeking out sexual pleasure, they’re looking to feel something.  They’re looking to fill a hole in their life, to fulfill a legitimate need, but they don’t know how to find it in a legitimate way, so they seek it in the illegitimate quick fix of porn.

Many men aren’t seeking porn, they’re seeking a friend.  

So why aren’t men having meaningful, heartfelt conversations? 

1. Men are afraid to open up.

Men have a tendency to put up walls around themselves.  They are afraid to let anyone see what’s going on inside.  Often they’re fearful of what others will think.  So instead of risking rejection, they don’t open up all.  The consequence is that these thoughts, feelings, and emotions are bottled up inside until they explode out in negative ways like porn, alcohol, angry outbursts, nervous breakdowns, etc.  

Men need opportunities to be vulnerable.  They need to show emotion.  Yes, men should remain steadfast and in control in front of their families.  Families need to see strength.  But men need someone with whom they can be vulnerable and express what is going on in their lives.  

In the interest of putting up a wall of strength, men put up a wall around everything.  You can build an impenetrable castle wall, but you know what happens when someone lays siege to it?  It slowly dies from the inside out.  

We need to learn when to show strength, and when to find opportunities to open up to other men through deep conversation.

2. Men think deep conversations are for women

Far too many men think that deep, heartfelt conversations are for women.  If male conversation strays from anything other than sports, beer, music, cars, and politics, you’re requested to turn in your man card.  

Women are more conversational and emotional, yes, but that doesn’t mean men cannot have meaningful discussions.  You’re not effeminate or less of a man if you talk about the issues you struggle with in your life.  Men need to discuss their weaknesses.  They need to seek help from other men.  

You can and should have open and intimate conversations with your wife.  But nothing can replace the bond that can form when two men grow in friendship.  It’s not “gay” or a “bromance.”  It’s fraternity.  It’s comradery.  It’s brotherhood.

3. Men do not have the proper place for conversation.

One of the biggest reasons men don’t engage in deep conversation is they lack the proper venue to do so.  Many so-called “men’s groups” never actually engage in deep conversation either.  I’ve been a part of many church bible studies for men that dance around the tough conversations.  Most workplaces don’t offer a suitable environment for meaningful discussions either.  In other areas, men are so scared of “offending” anyone that they never bring up anything substantial or potentially controversial.

The result is men have no place to actually have a meaningful discussion even if they wanted to.

If you’re going to thrive as a man, you must find a group of men to bond with.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another”

Proverbs 27:17

Men grow by bonding with other men.  They push each other to be better, support one another, and keep everyone accountable.  

Men need a tribe.

You can find your tribe in a close group of like-minded friends who are willing to band together as brothers.  You can find it in fraternities like the Masons.  I’m actively involved in my Masonic lodge and the relationships that I’ve made there are deep and close.  

Believe it or not, you can also find this tribe online.  I’m part of the Fraternity of Excellence, a brotherhood of exceptional men. We gather together online from around the world to be a place where men can be men, have meaningful conversations, and learn from each other.  

I recently went to a meet-up with 25 men from F.O.E. and it was one of the greatest experiences of my life.  We bonded as brothers, we faced challenges together, and we became better men.  We had deep, intense conversations expressing where we are weak so we can learn to become strong. 

Men today are in search of deep conversation.  They need intimate relationships.  They’re crying out for brotherhood.

I challenge you brother, find a tribe where you can engage in meaningful conversations. Connect with other men so that you can share your burdens and learn from each other.

Brotherhood is born in conversation.

Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

Processing…
Success! You're on the list.

One-on-one coaching can help you finally break free
from porn addiction once and for all.

  • One-On-One Video Calls
  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

Are you next???

Who Wears The Pants? 10 Ways Men Must Lead Their Families

Who “wears the pants” in your family?

If the answer is not unquestionably you, you’re failing as a man. 

Masculinity begets leadership.  Masculinity IS leadership.  Man was born to lead.  This is his purpose, his duty, and where he finds fulfillment.  

Men, it is your job to lead your family.  It is not your wife’s.  And if you’re not ready to lead a family, you’re not ready to have a family.  

One of the sharpest insults someone can say about a man is that his wife “wears the pants.”  It implies emasculation.  Which it is.  It means he isn’t man enough to be in charge.  

But it also says something about the wife. By having to “wear the pants” it means she’s not “wearing a dress.”  i.e. she’s not being feminine.  Too often, women take on the masculine leadership role not because they are domineering, feminist women, but because they have to.  Someone has to lead and far too often the men can’t or won’t.  Believe me, women don’t want to “wear the pants,” but they’re often forced to.  

If a man is the leader and head of his household as he should be, his wife can take on the feminine, nurturing role she was made for.  This whole equality movement between the sexes we’ve seen over the years is nonsense.  There is a difference between equal value and equal role.  Of course men and women have equal value.  We are both made in the image of God, but we are not equal in role. 

Men, it’s up to YOU to take charge and be the leader of your family.  

But there’s more to leading your family than simply being “in charge.”  

Here are 10 ways that a man should lead his family.

1. Spiritually

I believe leading your family spiritually is the most important role of a husband and father.  If you’re not leading your family spiritually, you’re not leading your family at all.  

You need to set the example for faith in your home.  Want your kids to pray? Pray with them.  Want your kids to read the Bible? Read it yourself.  And the big one… Want your kids to go to church? Go with them.

Much has been said about the feminization of the church in recent years.  Some of this is a result of the culture, but another reason is because there aren’t men there to lead it!  

If your wife goes to church more than you do, you are NOT leading your family.

Instill the spiritual values you hold dear into your children.  Teach them the importance of faith and salvation.  Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Men, be the pastor of your own household.

2. Physical Fitness

No good man allows their family to become fat.  How can you provide, protect, and lead your family if you’re not physically fit to do so?  How can you lead your family if you drop dead of a heart attack becasue you’re morbidly obese?

Men lead their families to be fit by being physically fit themselves.  Don’t bark at your kids for being couch potatoes when you spend every Sunday on the couch drinking beer and watching football.  

Teach your family the importance of fitness from a young age and they will carry it with them their entire lives.  

Be active with your family as well.  Go on hikes together. Ride bikes together.  You can build memories while also staying in shape.  A fun family hike will be remembered much longer than family movie night.  

Be fit, and they will follow.

3. Communication

To be an effective leader, you need to be an effective communicator.  Talk to your family.  Don’t sweep things under the rug.  If there are issues that need to be addressed, deal with them right away.  

No issue should ever be off limits.  If you don’t establish proper communication, when your kids get older, they won’t come to you with issues in their lives and you’ll have no idea what is going on.

The best way to enable effective communication is through family meetings.  Schedule a time once a week to sit down together and discuss the issues you need to discuss as a family. 

4. Preparedness

There’s an old adage that says, “Failing to plan is planning to fail.”  Men who are effective leaders are prepared for everything.  They are prepared to handle expected and especially, unexpected changes.  

When SHTF whether it’s financially, politically, emotionally, physically, or in any other way, your family will look to you to lead and you better have a plan.  Not only is it important to have a plan, it’s important to share your plan.  Your family should know what to do in case of an emergency.

Leading your family requires being prepared for every situation.

5. Strength

It goes without saying men need to be strong.  But not just physically strong, emotionally and mentally strong as well.  You’ll be no good as leader if you crumble under pressure.

When your family looks to you, they should see strength, fortitude, and perseverance.  They should never see weakness, indecision, or doubt.  It’s not that men can’t have these feelings, we all do, but your family should never see them.  This is why men need brotherhood and fraternity.  It provides them a place to be vulnerable and accountable so that they can show their families strength.

6. Be The Change

If you want your family to change, change yourself first.  My good friend, Zac Small, often says, “Your kids will follow your actions, not your advice.”

We’ve probably all had a boss who expected something of us, but didn’t follow the rules themselves.  How do we all feel about that boss? We couldn’t stand him.  Your family feels the same way about you if you’re a hypocrite.

Don’t ever ask your family to do something you’re not willing to do yourself.  Once they start seeing the results of the positive changes you’re making, you won’t need to tell them to change, they’ll follow your lead.

7. Earn Respect, Not Demand It

If you have to demand respect, you aren’t worthy of respect. 

If you’re leading your family the way you should be, your wife and children will respect you.  If they don’t it’s because you’re not being the man and leader they want and need you to be.  

Yes, your children should obey you simply because you’re their father, but it doesn’t mean they respect you.  

Be a man of honor, integrity, and true to your word, and they will respect you.

8. Finances

Finances are one area where many men struggle, often because they weren’t taught themselves.  Take the time to get a good financial education and get your finances in proper order.

You can’t properly lead your family if you’re broke.  Get out of debt, save for a rainy day and invest for the future.  Then teach everything you’ve learned to your family.  Financial education in schools is horrendous. Make sure they learn the truth about money from you.  

9. Teaching

A good man not only leads, he teaches.  

The best teacher your children ever have shouldn’t be found in a school.  They should be found in the home. 

Instead of doing things for them, teach them how to do it themselves.  The old proverb, “Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime” rings true here.

Pass along the skills you’ve learned, but also pass along the lessons you’ve learned.  Share with them the mistakes you’ve made and how to avoid them.   

Instead of telling your family what to do, teach them what to do.  

10. Responsibility

A good man and a good leader takes responsibility. He doesn’t deflect blame or “pass the buck.”  If you messed up, admit it, accept the consequences, and learn from it.  

So many of the problems in today’s world stem from people’s refusal to accept the consequences for their actions and take responsibility.  The first thing people do when something goes wrong is to find someone else to blame.

That’s not how men work and not how good leaders act.  Take ownership of your actions and your decisions.  No one is responsible for you but you.  As President Truman often said, “The buck stops here.” 

But you are also responsible for the actions of those you are leading.  The behavior of your family is a reflection on your leadership.  If something is not right, it’s your responsibility to make sure it gets corrected.  

True leaders are accountable and responsible for every action that they take every action of those under them.  


There are undoubtedly many more ways in which men need to be leaders of their families.  Truth is, we should never stop trying to find more and better ways to lead.  

You will fail as a leader.  I have failed in many ways and many times.  The important thing is to learn from failure and to never give up.

The only people to never fail are the people who never tried.  

If you want to be the one who “wears the pants” in your family, you must be a strong and effective leader.


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Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

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One-on-one coaching can help you finally break free
from porn addiction once and for all.

  • One-On-One Video Calls
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  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

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