The DOs and DON’Ts of Battling Porn Addiction

In overcoming my own 15+ year battle with porn and addiction, and in helping dozens of other men finally quit porn, I’ve learned quite a bit about what works and what doesn’t work when you’re trying to quit porn.

Here’s some DO’s and DON’Ts for quitting porn. 

DO:  Establish Routine

Routine is crucial to quitting porn.  You can’t just assume you’re not going to be tempted or that you’ll be able to resist it when it happens.  

Examine the times you’re most tempted, then build a rock solid to routine to avoid any triggers and stick to it religiously.

Routine will help you stay on track and keep you from falling into temptation

DO NOT:  Believe The Lies

Porn will lie to you. 

It will say “it’s normal”

“Everyone does it”

“No one gets hurt”

“You deserve this”

Don’t fall for it.   

You’ll even try to convince yourself that it’s ok.  You’ll do all kinds of mental gymnastics to try to justify watching porn.   Stand firm and don’t fall for the lies.

DO:  Get Off Your Devices

Not all device addictions are porn addictions, but all porn addictions are device addictions.

You’ll never quit porn if you’re constantly on your phone craving the next dopamine hit.

It’s so easy to just be scrolling social media, then out of nowhere you see a hot girl on instagram, then before you know it, you’ve jumped to porn.

Put it away or turn it off, especially right before bed.  

Before bed is often the most vulnerable time for men.  Make sure to stay off devices and stick to a strong routine when you’re winding down for the night.

DO NOT:   Allow Mindless Downtime

You can’t allow yourself to be bored and scrolling.  

You’ll get in trouble every time.

It’s ok to have some R&R, but make sure it’s structured so that you avoid falling into the trap of boredom and temptation.

Schedule out your days in advance.  Don’t allow yourself to have time where you know it’ll be easy for you to look at porn.  Build your schedule and set boundaries to make sure those weak spots are covered.

DO:  Stay Active

Get your ass moving.

Not only will working out get you in better shape, it will help improve your mood and cure depression, which are major triggers for porn.

If you’re tempted to watch porn, go start slinging some iron.

You’ll feel better in no time.

DO NOT:  Cut Corners

You might think, “I’m doing ok, I can skip journaling tonight”

One day becomes two, two becomes four, then a week.

Before you know it you’ve skipped all your routines, you probably relapsed, and you’re right back where you started.

You have to be especially diligent when fighting this battle.  It can sneak up on you when you least expect it, and if you let your guard down, you WILL be under attack.

Don’t let temptation get a foothold.

DO:  Learn WHY You’re Addicted

Until you figure out the root cause of your addiction, you’ll never find true healing.

Do the deep inner emotional work to discover WHY you run away to Porn.

What pain are you trying to escape?

What are you using Porn to cope with?

This is where the true healing happens.  

I say all the time, “Porn addiction isn’t about pleasure, it’s about pain.”

Find out WHY you’re addicted to porn, treat the true wound, and learn healthy ways to cope with it.

DO NOT:  Treat Porn Like a Bad Habit

Porn Addiction is so much more than a bad habit.

This is why you can’t get past two weeks without it.  You’re just trying to “try harder” and you always end up slipping up.  

Sure there’s habitual parts of addiction, but it’s not just a bad habit.  It’s a bad coping mechanism.  

Porn Addiction is not a habit to break,  it’s a wound to heal.

Go deep and fix it from the inside out.

DO:  Confess Your Addiction

You need to tell someone.

If you’re married, you need to confess or your marriage will never truly recover.

Married or not, you need to open up and share your struggles with someone.

You can’t suffer in silence.  

You need to be honest about your addiction, not only with yourself, but with someone you trust.

TALK  to someone.

DO NOT:  Fight The Battle Alone.

You NEED accountability.

You NEED someone to help you, support you, guide you, and encourage you.

You CAN NOT quit porn alone.

Find a brother, a mentor, or a coach to help you fight the battle.

I NEVER would have overcome my addiction without help.

Neither will you.

It’s time you got the help you need and finally quit porn for good.

Through 1:1 coaching with me, I’ll guide you through the wilderness to find your path to freedom from porn.

If you’re sick of struggling…

If you’re tired of relapsing…

If you’re ready to finally LIVE PORN FREE..

Click below to schedule a one on one coaching consultation to see how coaching can help you finally quit porn for good!


Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

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One-on-one coaching can help you finally break free
from porn addiction once and for all.

  • One-On-One Video Calls
  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

Are you next???

Stop Touching Your Dick!

Alright guys.  It’s time for a tough talk.  

The real problem with Porn Addiction isn’t Porn.

It’s Masturbation.

STOP TOUCHING YOUR DICK!

When you’re addicted to Porn/Masturbation/Orgasm (PMO), what you’re really addicted to is dopamine. There is nothing inherently addictive about porn itself.  It’s not a drug.  it’s not a chemical.  It has no addictive qualities in and of itself.  But watching it does.

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter released in your brain you feel pleasure. It’s what makes you “feel” pleasure in the first place.  Dopamine is released by the truckload when you PMO.  However, there is way more dopamine released upon orgasm than there is upon only viewing porn. 

I’ve coached and worked with dozens and dozens of men.  MAYBE 1 or 2 admitted to watching porn without the physical act of masturbating.  Almost every man I’ve worked with masturbated when they watched porn.

Most men aren’t addicted to porn. They’re addicted to masturbating.

Men are addicted to the feeling of pleasure released at orgasm.  That drive for that feeling is an inherent part of masculinity.  It’s the drive to procreate and extend your bloodline.  That feeling is the reward for being the provider, protector, and procreator.

Masturbation is a shortcut to that reward.  Instead of being a man and achieving that reward by achieving peak masculinity and finding a woman who desires you, you shortchange it by jerking off.

I get it.  It’s easy.  It feels good.  

But you’re not accomplishing anything.   You’re escaping.  

When I coach men, I ask them why they watch porn and masturbate.  These are normal answers I receive:

-Stress
-Anxiety
-Work
-Unhappy with life
-Marriage sucks

By admission, they use PMO to escape their problems.  

Now you know me, I’m about the biggest advocate against porn there is.  But quitting porn is only solving half the problem. 

If you quit watching porn, but you’re still masturbating regularly…

YOU’RE STILL ADDICTED!

You didn’t solve anything.   You just feel a little bit better about yourself because you’re not watching porn.   But in reality, you’re still running away from your problems just like you did when you were watching porn.

The escapism is the same.

The stress release is the same.

The cheap dopamine is the same.

You’ve just removed the major stimulus.  But you’re still addicted to running away.

Now, I won’t deny that masturbation without porn has its benefits.  At least you’re not watching porn.  Right?

True. I’d much rather have a client rub one out quick to release the tension rather than go on a three day porn/masturbation binge.  But it’s not a solution.

It still isn’t solving the underlying problem of WHY you’re addicted in the first place.  It doesn’t explain what you’re running away from.  It doesn’t heal the fill the void you’re trying to fill.  

If you truly want to overcome your addiction,  you have to quit masturbating just as much as you have to quit watching porn.  Quitting porn is actually the easier part.  Not using masturbation to get a cheap shot of dopamine so you “feel better” instead of facing your negative emotions, is a hell of a lot harder.

I see too many people who say they’ll help you quit porn addiction say, “I’ll help you quit porn in ____ days, and you don’t have to NoFap”

Hell, it doesn’t sound like a bad deal.  But it’s not really helping you.

I’m not working with men through one-on-one coaching just to help them quit watching porn.  I’m working with them to HEAL from addiction.

Recovery from addiction is not about breaking bad habits, it’s about healing old wounds.  

If you truly want to overcome porn addiction, masturbation addiction, and sexual addiction, you have to do the deep emotional work of healing what led you there in the first place.

This deep work is hard.

That’s WHY I’m a coach.

You can’t work through all that pain on your own.

I couldn’t.

I needed someone to come alongside me and guide me on my path to freedom.

I needed encouragement, advice, and accountability.

So, if you’re ready to HEAL from porn and masturbation, not just QUIT…

Schedule your first coaching call with me and let’s get started.


Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

Processing…
Success! You're on the list.

One-on-one coaching can help you finally break free
from porn addiction once and for all.

  • One-On-One Video Calls
  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

Are you next???

When To Talk To Your Kid About Porn

One of the most common questions I get is, “At what age should I talk to my son about porn?”

The fact that you’re even willing to talk about it at all is itself a step in the right direction.  This is an essential conversation that must take place.  The question is WHEN?

I believe the most important time to talk to your kids about porn is BEFORE they’ve been exposed to it.  You need to instill your values and explain to them the dangers of porn before it gets it’s evil hooks in them.  

To do this, we need to know at what age most men are first exposed to pornography.

I ran a poll on twitter asking at what age people were first exposed to porn.  

The results are scary.  

This means that 2/3 of people first viewed porn PRIOR to becoming a teenager.   And 90% were exposed before turning 17.  

This is sad.  

But it’s not surprising.  Many of the men I have coached told me they were exposed at a very young age; some as young as 8!  

Children are given access to, or worse, someone is showing them porn before they even know what sex is!   They don’t have the physical or emotional maturity to understand.  

You cannot hesitate to talk to our kids about porn.  

Because if you don’t, someone else will.  Do you want your child’s first exposure to sexuality be from their phone?  Or from a friend? Or in worst cases, a predator?   

Hell no!  Your children must learn about sex from YOU.  It is your duty as a parent to talk to them about sex. 

I know it seems too early.  I know you don’t think they’re old enough.  But the world is a much different place than it was when you were their age.  You may not have had to worry about sexual stuff until you were a teenager.  Those days are long gone.  This poll proves it.  

So at what age should I talk to my kid about sex and porn?  

I always say that whatever age you think is too soon to talk to your kid about porn, talk to them two years before that.  

In all honesty, the proper age is going to depend on your own kid and your relationship with them.  You can’t just drop this sort of thing on them out of nowhere without already having an open and honest relationship. Your first heart to heart with your children should not be the “birds and the bees” talk.  

Pastor Michael Foster, author of It’s Good To Be A Man, writes:

“The battle against pornography begins long before high school.  It begins with not giving in to demands of pre-dinner popsicles, bedtime protests, and ignored curfews. It starts with the loving discipline of your child while he’s still in diapers. There’s a reason Proverbs 13:24 says, “He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.” Discipline will help spare your son from being enslaved to all sorts of evil—including gluttony, fornication, and mountains of credit card debt. The permissive parent does not love his children. He allows his progeny to drink the slow poison of immediate gratification simply because he’s too busy, or just wants to be a cool parent. Do not be this parent. Spare your children.”

Porn addiction is not a sexual issue.  It’s an emotional issue, a spiritual issue, and a mental issue.   Overcoming it depends on healing those issues at the root, instead of using porn to “escape” from them.    Preventing porn addiction depends on teaching your children healthy ways of handling their emotions, dealing with their desires, and coping with life before they learn to sexualize those problems through porn.  

Ending the Porn epidemic is not going to come from banning PornHub or canceling people.  It’s not going to come from making access to it more difficult.  

The Porn industry will die when fathers rise up, defeat porn themselves, then teach their sons how to avoid it’s dangers.


Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

Processing…
Success! You're on the list.

One-on-one coaching can help you finally break free
from porn addiction once and for all.

  • One-On-One Video Calls
  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

Are you next???

How To Confess Your Porn Addiction

So, you have come to the realization that porn and sex addiction is a problem in your life.  Maybe you’ve even started working with a coach to help guide you through the process of breaking free.  

What’s next?

One of the hardest parts of recovery, but arguably the most necessary is confession.

Healing requires confession. 

You cannot defeat porn addiction without confessing your actions.  This is not some little secret that you can keep tucked away and hope no one will ever know.  You must disclose your addiction, first by admitting it to yourself, second, confess your sins to God, and third, disclose your behavior to your wife or other people it affects..

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”

James 5:16

You will not break the chains of addiction and your marriage will not recover from your actions if you are still keeping secrets.

Confession and disclosure is not optional.  It is necessary.  Don’t give me the argument “what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her”.  Bull Shit.  I gave that same excuse for years and all it did was cause more pain down the road.  

If you’re married or in a committed relationship and fighting porn addiction, or worse, have acted out physically, she deserves to know.  You will only cause more damage by withholding the truth.  

“The truth will set you free.”  

John 8:32

Will confessing destroy your marriage?   It could.  But withholding the truth for the sake of saving your marriage is living a lie.   You acted out, you took the sinful action.  You might have to live with the consequences.

But confession doesn’t have to end your relationship.  Confession was the start to healing mine.  We could never have recovered and gotten to where we are today if I was still keeping secrets. 

Even if you’re not married or in a relationship, you should make a disclosure to someone.  I require the men I coach to make a full disclosure to me.  I cannot fully help you if I do not understand everything that happened.  Confess to your coach, counselor, pastor, or even a trusted friend.

Now that you’ve accepted the fact you must confess your actions, how do you do it?

Be Prepared

You need to be adequately prepared to make your confession and disclosure.  This is not something you should do on a whim.  Do not just blurt it out unprepared and without a plan.  I see many men whose hearts are convicted, and feel the need to confess.  This is good, but they just go right ahead and spill their guts without any prior planning or preparation which can actually cause more damage.

In order for your confession to lead to forgiveness and healing instead of brokenness and divorce, you need to handle your disclosure in a safe and healthy manner.

Do NOT do it alone

Under no circumstances should you disclose your behaviors alone with your wife.  This is going to be shocking news and emotions will be running high.  It can very easily devolve into shouting and arguing, saying things that aren’t truly meant, and at worse, violence.  None of this is productive nor will do anything to lead toward healing.

Disclosure needs to be done in a way that can be productive and not cause further damage.  

When you are ready to make your confession, do it with a professional who is trained and has experience in this field.  Sit down with a counselor, therapist, pastor, or coach who can act as a mediator and keep the discussion on track.  

I gave my disclosure to my wife with our pastor.  It was very helpful.  In fact, he didn’t really say much.  He simply helped us to guide the conversation and make sure things didn’t get out of hand. 

Always give your confession with another party present to help.

Find a safe place

I recommend that you do not give your confession at home.  In fact, when I did mine, we went to the pastor’s office at church and even drove in separate cars.  

There are too many distractions at home.  Between kids, phones, etc., it’s too easy to get off track.  This disclosure needs to be a focused and uninterrupted conversation.  Find a place to have it where there will be no intrusions, where you can take the time you need to have the necessary discussions.

Write it down

Do not go into your confession and talk off the cuff.   Write it down.  In my book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps to Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal, I provide a template to help you make account of your addiction and behaviors.  

Take your time preparing your disclosure. Try to think of everything you have done. You might discover some things you had blocked from your memory.  If there are things you truly don’t remember, make note of that.  

When you give your confession, read it.  Don’t try to memorize it.  Stick to the facts and list off the addictive behaviors.  This is not the time or the place to defend yourself, make excuses, or cast off blame.  You are simply disclosing what you have done.  Understanding the “why’s” and what led to the addiction can come later.

My recommendation is once you have made your disclosure, do not keep your written version.  Get rid of it or give it to your counselor, pastor, or coach who oversaw your confession.  

This isn’t to avoid having a paper trail.  Rather, it is symbolic of moving on.  That was the past.  You are confessing your sins, repenting and going the other way.  Too often I have seen couples regularly go back to the confession and use it against each other.  Make the confession fully and once and for all, then start moving forward.

Once you have made your disclosure, allow your wife to ask any questions.  Answer them.  Be honest.  She may ask you some off the wall questions.  Don’t hide from them.

Answer questions

This is her opportunity to fully understand what happened.  Give her this time.  Do not get defensive or to try to avoid topics which you might rather not talk about.  Answer the questions without comment.  

However, there might be questions she may ask which she may not actually want to know the answers to.  This is where your professional can help you.  Sometimes, knowing the full details does more damage than good.  This isn’t lying or withholding information.  It’s disclosing the information in a manner that is encouraging to healing.  

What if I get caught?

Many times, men don’t even get the chance to plan out their confession and disclosure.  Men often get caught.  Somehow, your wife found out and confronts you with your behavior

This is a very difficult situation.  She is obviously going to be upset.  She is going to want a full confession right then and there.  Honestly, she deserves one.  But for the reasons we’ve discussed above, confession needs to be done in a proper manner.  

If this happens, stay calm.  Do not get defensive.  Do not try to deny it or explain it away.  Tell her you need to talk and you will tell her everything she needs to know but you want to do it in a way that does not cause further damage or unnecessary pain. 

Honestly, this is a hell of a lot easier said than done.  But going into a confession without a plan and when emotions are running extremely high will not be helpful to either of you.

Do your best to be calm and plan a time to give a proper disclosure as soon as possible.

Confession is not the end of your recovery.  It is the beginning.  

Once you make a full disclosure and confession, the real work of healing can begin.  

Be patient.  Your wife may need some space for a while.  You may feel better for getting it off your chest and finally admitting the truth, but you just wrecked her world.  Give her space to process everything that just happened

Confession happens instantly, healing takes time.

Now is the time to get to work.  You need to set boundaries to avoid relapse and establish routines and techniques to help you begin the process of recovery.  Work with a coach to help guide you and give you the tools you need to break free.  Do the deep work to discover WHY you are addicted and find out what your deep inner wounds are that led you to act out through porn and sex.

Confession leads to forgiveness.  Forgiveness leads to healing.  Healing leads to a new life.

How To Break The Relapse Cycle

Tell me if this sounds familiar…

You realize that porn is a problem in your life and you decide to quit.  You are motivated and determined to stop this.  This is finally the time that you’re going to quit for good.  

It starts ok.  You get a few days in.  Things are going great.  You start to gain confidence.  “Hey I can do this!”  

Then out of nowhere, BOOM!  You relapse.

You feel shameful and dejected.  Why can’t I get past this?  I can get a few days or weeks in without any porn but then I inevitably go back to it.

Sound like you?

It definitely sounds like how I used to be.  I could go for a few weeks or even months at a time, but without fail, I would always relapse.  

I would build up this great porn free streak and then throw it all away.

Or did I???

Here’s the mistake so many men make when trying to quit porn.  They focus on the relapses, not on the successes.

Stop counting the times you relapsed to porn.  Start counting the times you won over porn.

Going two weeks without porn and then having relapse isn’t throwing away two weeks of progress.  You were successful 13 days in a row and then fell short one day.  That’s not failure.  That’s success!!!   To put it in sports terms, that’s a .928 batting average.

If you’re going to defeat porn once and for all, you have to shift your mindset.  You cannot continue to let shame control you.  You must start focusing on your wins, not the times you failed.

To continue the baseball analogy, most people know that Babe Ruth hit 714 home runs in his career.  Do you know how many times he struck out?   1,330 times.  Does anyone talk about how many times he struck out?  No!  They focus on his victories.  

That is exactly what you must do in your battle with porn addiction, celebrate the wins and learn from the failures.  

Yes, the goal is zero porn usage.  But if you were watching porn 7-8 times a week and over a couple months you’ve reduced that to once a week, that’s progress, not failure!

You can drive 100 miles and blow a tire.  That sucks.  You wish it didn’t happen.  But it doesn’t undo the 100 miles you’ve already travelled.  You don’t have to go back to mile zero and start over.  You fix the tire and get back on the road.

Relapses don’t destroy your recovery from porn addiction, they are a part of your recovery from porn addiction.  

When you relapse, figure out what went wrong.  What happened?  What could you have done differently to avoid it?  What can you do next time if placed in the same situation?  Then get back on the road and keep driving forward.

Don’t beat yourself up over your relapses, USE them to help you be better the next time. 

In my book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps to Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal, I teach a method called “Left of Bang” that will help you break down your relapses so that you can learn from them.  

Failure is only failure if you fail to learn. 

I have not worked with a single man who has quit porn cold turkey.  I’m not saying that it can’t happen.  God can do amazing things.  But most men are going to relapse at some point in their recovery.  It happens.  

Shifting your mindset from the negative to the positive is essential in your battle with porn addiction.  You’re not going to make much progress if all you do is beat yourself up everytime you relapse.  It is only going to perpetuate the cycle.  

Try this exercise.

At the end of every day, write down three wins you had that day.  They can be something such as successfully avoiding a trigger, completing your daily Bible reading, or having a good date with your wife. It does not have to be something monumental every day. Sometimes just getting through the day in one piece is a win! 

Focus on positive things you can build on.  Then when you have a bad day, instead of letting it derail you, you can look back at all these wins and victories you had.  You’ll be able to see the progress you’re making and the momentum you’re building.  

Breaking the relapse cycle is not easy.  Many, many men are stuck in the same pattern of trying to quit and relapsing over and over again.  

Yet, you can break free from the cycle.  I did.  Many of the men I have coached have broken out of it.  You can too.

It requires a mindset shift from focusing on failures to focusing on victories.  It requires learning from relapses instead of letting them bury you in shame.  Lastly, and most importantly, it requires never giving up.

Quitting porn is a battle.  There will be good days and bad.  Sometimes you win the day, other times you’re forced to retreat.  But victory is taken by the fighter who refuses to leave the battlefield until the battle is won.

Stay strong, keep fighting, and never give up. 

 


Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

Processing…
Success! You're on the list.

One-on-one coaching can help you finally break free
from porn addiction once and for all.

  • One-On-One Video Calls
  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

Are you next???

Introducing the Into The Wilderness Podcast

After months of preparation and hard work, I’m excited to announce the launch of the Into The Wilderness Podcast with Timothy Reigle!

I am taking my ministry of battling men’s porn addiction and expanding it into other topics that modern Christian men need to talk about but where there are few spaces to do so.  

How To Become A Family Alpha with Zac Small Into The Wilderness Podcast with Timothy Reigle

Zac Small is the founder of The Family Alpha blog and host of the Family Alpha Podcast, dedicated to keeping masculinity in families.  He’s the co-founder of the Fraternity of Excellence, the brotherhood of exceptional men committed to exhibiting masculine excellence, and the author of 31 Days to Masculinity, A Program To Help Men Live Authentic Lives.  Zac is an expert on all things family, fatherhood, and masculinity. On this episode, Zac will show that being an Alpha Male and a Family Man are not mutually exclusive.  Zac explains the importance of “Acta Non Verba” (Action Not Words) and how focusing on mind, body, spirit make up the complete man.  We discuss the Fraternity of Excellence and why male brotherhood and fraternity is essential.  We share our different struggles with addiction and how breaking free made us better men.  Using experiences from his own marriage, Zac describes how to lead your wife and keep the bedroom hot years in your marriage.  Lastly, we dive into the topic of fatherhood and how you can be a present and engaged father.  If you want to become a Family Alpha, don’t miss this episode!Follow Zac on Social Media:Twitter:  @ZacSmall_Instagram: @ZacSmall_Visit his website and listen to his podcast:www.thefamilyalpha.comFind out more about the Fraternity of Excellence:www.fraternityofexcellence.com
  1. How To Become A Family Alpha with Zac Small
  2. Discovering The Truth Behind Porn and Sex Addiction with Dr. Eddie Capparucci
  3. How To Become A High Performer with Coach Bahman
  4. Building The Best YOU with Coach Noah Revoy
  5. How A Former Gay Porn Star Quit The Industry And Became A Men's Rights Activist with Phillipp Tanzer

My first guest is Pastor Michael Foster.  Michael is the Pastor of East River Church in Batavia, OH, director of http://www.itsgoodtobeman.com and founder of County Before Country.    His upcoming book It’s Good To Be A Man is available November 30th.  

Pastor Michael and I discuss why it’s good to be a man and what caused society to think of masculinity as toxic.  Michael says that by God’s design, sex is also good and what modern culture has done to skew our relationship with sex.  We talk about how God has given men an innate desire to lead and have dominion over his life and household and how we as men can live out that purpose for our lives.  We touch on death and how it affects us as husbands, fathers, and leaders.  Lastly we discuss ways for men to not just be good men, but to be good and being a man and how to be leaders of ourselves, our families, our churches, and our communities.

Be sure to visit Michael’s website https://itsgoodtobeaman.com

Follow him on Twitter @thisisfoster


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Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

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One-on-one coaching can help you finally break free
from porn addiction once and for all.

  • One-On-One Video Calls
  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

Are you next???

Can You Handle The Truth?

In the film A Few Good Men, starring Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson, there’s a famous scene where Cruise’s character, Navy JAG attorney Lt. Daniel Kaffee is questioning Nicholson’s character, Marine Colonel Nathan Jessup during a court martial trial for the murder of a Marine.  

In the scene, Kaffee demands that Jessup tell the truth, to which Jessup famously replies, “You can’t handle the truth!”

As men, we must ask ourselves, “Can you handle the truth?”

If someone told you the point blank, honest truth, would you accept it?  Would you deny it?  Would you try to explain it away?

The old phrase, “truth hurts” is true.  It’s often hard to hear the truth, but to thrive as men, we must accept the truth, no matter how painful it may be.  

If it hurts to hear the truth, you need to hear it.  

Yet, so often men today run away from the truth.  They try to do everything possible to avoid admitting what they already know. 

Maybe it’s the truth that you’re a bad father.  You spend your days avoiding your kids and only allow them to see the “tired” version of dad that comes home and drinks beer while watching TV instead of playing with them.  Instead of being supportive and loving you criticize and scold your children for mundane things.  I know I was guilty of that for a time.

It could be that you can’t handle the truth that you’re a bad husband.  Maybe you’ve let yourself go and you’ve gained a ton of weight.  Between that and your nagging porn addiction your wife never wants to have sex with you and you have to settle for pity birthday sex.  Maybe you can’t handle the face that you’re not even the leader of your own household. Your wife “wears the pants” and you have to ask her permission to go anywhere, but anything, and she picks out your clothes like you’re a child.

Perhaps you can’t handle the truth that you’re a lame excuse for a man.  You can’t do 10 pushups without huffing and puffing.  You talk a big game, but you know if it came down to it, you couldn’t physically defend yourself or your family.  You thought you’d be living big and free by now, but you’re miserable, in loads of debt, and there’s no hope in sight. 

I get it. 

The truth is hard to see sometimes.  And it’s even harder to embrace it and take action. 

The men who embrace truth rather than avoid it, are the men who conquer life.

You can run from the truth for years.  You can avoid any situation that might potentially expose your false life and reveal the truth about you.  But it will eventually catch up to you.   You cannot run away from the truth.

John Eldredge, in his excellent book on Christian masculinity, Wild at Heart, writes, “Until a man knows he is a man he will forever be trying to prove he is one, while at the same time shrinking from anything that might reveal he is not.”

Men all want to feel manly.  They want to be the best husband, father, worker, and man they can be.  Yet they avoid facing any test which might prove the truth to them and to everyone else, which is… they’re not.  

It sucks to have reality slap you in the face.  But if you’re truly going to thrive as man, husband, and father, you better accept it and make the changes you need to make.  

You need to look yourself in the mirror.  Are you hiding the truth?  Are you running away from the reality of where you are in life?  Are there things that you know are true about you, yet you do everything in your power to try to hide them?

I can’t tell you what that truth is.  Only you know.  But I guarantee, as you’re reading this right now, you know what it is.  

So again I ask you, “Can you handle the truth?”

If you want to be a man of integrity, a man of courage, and a man who is not held back by his failings, you must accept the truth.  

But you must also act on it.  Accepting the truth means nothing if you do not change.

Hear the truth.  Accept the truth. Act on the truth.  


Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

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One-on-one coaching can help you finally break free
from porn addiction once and for all.

  • One-On-One Video Calls
  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

Are you next???

How I Quit Porn: My Story of Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal

It was a long road that lead me to becoming the man I am today.  

I’ve been through darkness, despair, and depression.  

I’ve faced trials, tests, and troubles.

Yet, I came out on top of it all.  

This is the story of how I got unbelievably deep in to a devastating Porn and Sex Addiction and how I finally broke free from it after over 15 years, renewed my faith in God, restored my marriage, and became a better man.

Buckle up kids.  This gets messy.

My journey with porn started as a curious teenager. I grew up in a healthy, loving Christian home.  In fact, my dad was a pastor and I grew up literally next door to the church.  But the only thing I learned about sex was “DONT DO IT.  WAIT UNTIL MARRIAGE”  So, like many hormonal 12 year old boys, I got curious and learned about sex and explored by watching porn. 

I was coming at age at the height of the tech bubble and the early stages of internet porn.  I never had to steal someone’s Playboy or rent movies from the video store.  I was able to go online late at night or when nobody was home.  I got immediately hooked.  

What was always portrayed to me as an evil sin felt amazing. It felt exhilarating, exciting, and dangerous. I started watching porn and masturbating almost daily.  As I got older in high school I got into sexual relationships with girlfriends.  I played in bands for years and dove fully into the sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle.  It seemed like everything I did was for the purpose of having sex or watching porn.

My craving for more porn escalated.  Regular, “vanilla” porn wasn’t enough anymore, and I started watching dirtier, kinkier, and fetish porn.  Eventually porn itself wasn’t enough and I got into webcams and chat rooms.  The addiction spiraled out of control.

I got married young.  I had kids young.  I naively thought that would stop my insatiable appetite for porn and sex.  It didn’t.  In fact, it got worse.  

My addiction continued to escalate.  I started meeting up with girls online; Craigslist, Tinder, etc.  I had countless hookups and encounters.  I engaged with escorts, had sex with prositutes and went to sex clubs.  I did party drugs and drank to excess.  I had threesomes, went to swinger parties, and took part in orgies.

To this day, I have no idea how many people I’ve actually had sex with.  Many I had sex with only after a few minutes of meeting.  Most I never even knew their names.  I was completely out of control.

My wife caught me a few times.  So did a few friends. But like any good liar, I talked my way out of it, promised to quit, then went right back to it.  I simply got better at not getting caught.  I was good at hiding it.  There would be times I was out til 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning and would be in church by 9:00 pretending to be a good husband and father.

Hardly anyone knew about this secret life.  Those who did had no idea of the extent of it.  This continued for years and years. I might quit for a little while, but I would inevitably relapse.  This vicious cycle had me ensnared.

My wife and I separated for almost a year.  At this point I was almost glad my marriage was over.  I could do what I wanted without having to hide it and I didn’t feel the guilt of cheating.  My wife was dealing with some health issues and I used that as an excuse for our failing marriage.  I blamed her for all the problems to deflect the blame from my addiction.

For a year, I had my two kids by myself.  I worked a full time job, a part time job, and went to college full time.  You’d think I wouldn’t have time for porn or sex.  But porn and sex was my stress reliever.  I used it to deal with the overwhelming pressure I was dealing with.  Part of me didn’t want my wife to come back.  I actually filed for divorce.  But I couldn’t bring myself to go through with it.  My wife and I had a deep conversation and decided we would get back together.

But that didn’t stop my addiction.  It continued even after we got back together.  I knew what I was doing was wrong.  Every time was the “last” time.  But it never was.  I hated myself for it.  There were times I contemplated suicide.  I considered intentionally destroying my marriage so I wouldn’t have the guilt of watching porn or cheating on my wife. 

I tried to quit; to do the right thing.  I read books, went to counseling. attended seminars.  All that.  They might work for a while, but I always went back.  I thought I was hopeless, stuck, too damaged, too broken and unforgivable.

But then, I hit my turning point.  I got caught (again).  But this time, when my friends found out, they disowned me.  These were my closest brothers, my accountability partners, my only true friends.  But I’d lied to them as much as my wife and they were done with it.

That hurt.  But it woke me up.  It was the gut punch I needed.  But at the same time I’m ashamed that it wasn’t all the pain I caused my wife that woke me up, and all the damage I’d caused my family.  It was losing my buddies that got me to change.

I had to look myself in the mirror, and I hated what I saw.  I’d been a liar, a cheat, and an adulterer.  I was fat, lazy, and pathetic.   I was a terrible husband, a miserable father, and a horrible example of a Christian.

I cried out to God in desperation. I knew I had to change or I was going to lose EVERYTHING; my marriage, my kids, my career, my friends, all of it.

God told me, “Tim, I love you.  I forgive you. I’m going to use you. Now, go and sin no more.”

I’d love to say I’ve been 100% perfect since that moment, but I haven’t.  I had relapses and setbacks.  It was a battle, to be sure.  There were good days and bad, ups and downs, victories and failures.  

I started working with a dear Pastor friend of mine who encouraged me, supported me, and held me accountable.  He didn’t condemn me and tell me what a piece of shit I was.  He showed me love, tough love if I needed it, and guided me to freedom. 

He checked in on me regularly to make sure I was on track. He helped me develop new and better habits to avoid temptation and recognize triggers. Most importantly, he helped me do the deep work of healing my heart.

I realized I wasn’t desiring sex.  I wasn’t just a pervert or hornier than everyone else.  I was desiring intimacy, connection, and acceptance.   But instead of seeking intimacy with God, my wife, and friends, I sought cheap intimacy through porn and sex.

I realized I was using porn and sex to cover up emotional wounds of rejection, feeling inadequate, loneliness, and having to live up to an unattainable standard.  It was discovering these truths about myself that led to healing.

Through hard work and refusing to give up, I found Recovery.  Through the grace and forgiveness of Christ, I found Redemption.  Through the love of my wife and family, I found Renewal.

I made a full confession to my wife.  Through hard work and forgiveness, we stayed together.  We even renewed our wedding vows on our 10th anniversary.  Our marriage is now stronger than ever.  I’m the husband, father, and man I was supposed to be.

I’m now completely sober and stronger than ever. I have years of sobriety under my belt and there’s no turning back. I no longer need porn. My faith in God guides me through my life. My wife satisfies all my needs. My mission is no longer to find pleasure, but to live out God’s purpose for my life.

After finding sobriety, I began sharing my story with other men and showing them how I found freedom.   Men everywhere heard my story and reached out for help.  I wrote a book, LIVING PORN FREE: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal.  I started 1-on-1 coaching to help men find freedom.

Now, hundreds of men have broken free from Porn & Sex Addiction using my system.  God used my story to help other men find the same freedom I have.

No man is beyond hope.  No man is beyond help.  No man is too broken

If my story has resonated with you, reach out to me for help.  I believe God has given me the mission to help other men overcome the darkness that He brought me through.  

You CAN defeat this addiction.  It will be the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but freedom is there.  You just have to fight for it.

But you’ll never win this battle alone.  It’s not a one on one fight.  It’s a war, and you need brothers beside you.  That’s where one-on-one coaching comes in.  

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. Don’t try to do it alone like I did for so many years.  You see where that got me.  Let me help you.  Let me show you the path to freedom.  Let me help you Live Porn Free.


Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

Processing…
Success! You're on the list.

One-on-one coaching can help you finally break free
from porn addiction once and for all.

  • One-On-One Video Calls
  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

Are you next???

How To Keep The “Fire” Alive In Marriage

Many people wonder, “Where did the “fire” go in my my marriage?” “What happened to the spark?”

Remember the wedding day?

On that day, you’re full of love for her.  You’re burning with passion.  The emotions are high and you could never imagine not loving this person with every fiber of your being.  

Fast forward a few years, add a few kids, the stress of a home, work, bills, and “life” and that energy seems to fade a bit.  

You don’t talk like you used to.  You rarely, if ever, have sex.  You fight regularly, usually over stupid things.  You’re constantly running the kids from place to place.  

You’re not lovers any more, you’re roommates.

Maybe you feel like that “fire” has gone out?  She tends to piss you off more often than she makes you happy anymore.  Are you sure you even still love her anymore? Does she love you?

How do you get that “fire” back in your marriage?  

How do you keep it lit?

My wife and I will celebrate our 13th anniversary in August.  We have more fire now in our marriage than we ever have.  We’re still hot for each other like a couple teenagers.  

But it wasn’t always that way.

My marriage has been through every up and down, good day and bad that you can imagine.  We’ve dealt with the damage of my intense porn addiction, my adultery, mental illness, and eating disorders.  We went through a year-long separation, the beginnings of divorce proceedings, and custody issues.  We’ve faced being on food stamps, getting through college, and working multiple jobs.  All this with two kids.  

Yet, we’re still together, stronger and more passionate than ever.

HOW?

When we said, “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish till death do us part” we meant it!

We had an extremely tough conversation at one point and decided we were going to make this work no matter what.  We decided we were going to do the work necessary to keep our marriage strong and the “fire” burning hot.

Here are four ways to keep the fire from going out in your marriage:

  1. Have a purpose and a mission outside of each other.

You need a purpose in life.  If you don’t have one, you’re wandering.  You have to have a reason to get out of bed each morning.  

What are you passionate about? What is your mission in life? 

This is the reason you do what you do. The reason you work so hard. God put you on this earth for a purpose.  He has a plan for you.  

But let me give you a warning.  Your purpose and your mission CANNOT be your wife and family.  

Yes, they should be number one in your life after God.  But they themselves cannot be the mission.  Your purpose is something much greater than yourself or your family.  It’s your reason for existing.

When you have a mission, your wife will follow.  She doesn’t want to “wear the pants.”  She wants you to be a leader and lead the family forward.

Lead your family ON the mission, don’t make them the mission.

  1. Stay in great shape

Many couples “let themselves go” after marriage.  They got their partner, so they don’t feel the need to look good for them.  

The pounds start adding up and the energy starts going down.  Apathy sets in and you just don’t care anymore.  You get lazy.

Then after you let your body get lazy, you start getting lazy in other areas.  You start drinking more, which just perpetuates the problem.  You get lazy in hygiene and grooming.  Before you know it, you hardly recognize yourself anymore.

Maybe you say you’re going to get back in shape.  You might even join a gym.  But once it gets difficult or inconvenient, you throw in the towel and go back to your lazy ways.  

Then you wonder why your wife doesn’t seem attracted to you anymore and never wants to have sex.  Would you want to have sex with you?

A man who has mastery over his body can have mastery over anything.  

It’s not just the obvious health benefits of staying in shape and looking good.  It’s about having discipline to do hard work.  It’s about pushing through when things get hard.  It’s about control over your impulses.  

Workout together with your wife.  You WILL bond together when you’re working on yourselves. If she needs to get in shape too, she’ll follow your lead.  You know damn well telling her she needs to get in shape won’t work.  So be the man and set the example for fitness in your home.  

Being physically fit and working on yourselves together will keep excitement in your marriage.

  1. Never Stop Dating

So many couples stop dating after they get married.  Life becomes stale, boring, and predictable.  

There is little to look forward to.  You end up looking most forward to going to sleep at 9:00 on a Friday night.  

To keep the “fire” alive in your marriage, don’t ever get complacent.  Being married doesn’t mean you get to stop being a gentleman and stop wining and dining her.

Stop being a screwball husband.  She doesn’t think your farts are funny.  She doesn’t like the crude jokes or sarcastic humor.  If you wouldn’t do it in front of her while dating, don’t do it now.  

Be a Ricky Ricardo, not a Homer Simpson.  Be a Gomez Adams, not a Ray Romano.

You still need to romance your wife.  Why do you think there was so much passion and fire on your wedding day?  Because she felt beautiful.  She felt loved and desired.  

If you want a wife that’s very feminine and passionate, you must be a husband that’s very masculine and strong.  

She can’t be the woman she wants to be unless you’re the man you should be.  

Never stop dating.  Go out together, often.  Get dressed up every once in a while.  Do new and exciting things.  Be unpredictable.  Have a little mystery to your life.  

Do these things and the fire will stay alive.

  1. SEX.  Lot’s of sex.

Married sex shoud be better and more satisfying than single sex.  If it isn’t, you’re doing marriage wrong.

Sex is an essential part of the marriage covenant.  It is the highest level of intimacy and culmination of everything else in your marriage.  

Show me a sexless marriage, and I’ll show you a failing marriage. 

“But my wife doesn’t want to have sex with me!”

B.S.  She doesn’t want to have sex the current you.  She doesn’t want to have sex with the purposeless, apathetic, out of shape, slob that you’ve become.  

If you take care of the first three points in this article, you won’t have to worry about the fourth.  

If you’re addicted to porn, don’t be surprised your sex life suffers.  You’ll end up preferring to watch porn over having sex with your wife. 

Sexless marriages don’t cause porn addiction.  Porn Addiction causes sexless marriages.

Break free from porn, and watch your sex life blossom.  

Sex is not just good for marriage, it’s a requirement for marriage.  The Bible commands couples to have regular sex. 

“Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

1 CORINTHIANS 7:5

Husbands and wives are supposed to have regular sex. It is how marriage was designed. Read through the Song of Solomon. Its description of the man and woman’s intimate relationship reads like a kinky romance novel.

Great marriages have great sex.  To keep the fire burning, keep your “loins” burning.. 


Marriages don’t have to become stale over time.  They can grow and mature and become more passionate even after decades together.  

All it takes is putting in the hard work.  Great marriages are kept great by the determination to keep the fire alive no matter how hard things get.  

Love is a decision, not a feeling.

My marriage is proof that marriages can overcome hardship and thrive.  If you follow these simple steps and put in the effort to make your marriage strong, you will keep the “fire” burning. 


Subscribe to my Email List for my free eBook!

Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

Processing…
Success! You're on the list.

One-on-one coaching can help you finally break free
from porn addiction once and for all.

  • One-On-One Video Calls
  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

Are you next???

When It’s Time To Pull The Plug

It’s time to pull the plug.

Our lives are too constrained by calendars, too controlled by devices, and too hampered by the indoors.  

I recently took two full weeks off of work and headed to the mountains.  There was no cell service, no internet, and no television.  It was just me and my family.  

We were able to spend quality time together, have great conversations, and explore the beauty of God’s nature.  

You need to ask yourself,

Are you living? Or just filling your schedule?

Far too often, I have been guilty of the latter.

I allowed myself to be so consumed by doing that I was never living.  I was running from event to event and meeting to meeting that I wore myself down physically and emotionally.  

I literally had no free time.  I would work all day, work on side projects at night, volunteer every week, and hustle for every dime I could earn.

It burned me out.

In the past, the stress and feeling of being overwhelmed would have pushed me over the edge.  I would have sought out porn and sex as a relief from the pressure.  Instead of dealing with what was causing the problem, I would run to the places of easy, quick relief.  Porn was how I coped with stress.  But it never took away the stress.  In fact, it added to it.  The guilt and the shame would just add additional burdens on my back.

Are you using porn to escape the problems in your life?

I used to.  And far too many men still do.  Instead of dealing with their problems, emotions, and stress, they self-medicate with porn and sex.  But porn is like seawater, it tastes good when you’re dying of thirst, but it’ll actually make you thirstier, all while poisoning you from the inside out.

This is why men must learn to pull the plug.  

No, a good vacation will not cure your porn addiction.  But you do need to find ways to disconnect, recharge, and stay focused.

Pulling the plug will provide countless benefits, but let’s focus on the three main ones that I achieved while I was away.

1. Turn off the devices.

We all spend way too much time on our phones, tablets, computers, and watching TV.  We think we always have to be “connected.”  But by spending so much time connected, we’ve actually become disconnected from life.  

You miss so much of the world going on around you because you’re staring down at your phone.  You miss the beauty of nature when you’re outside.  You miss the sounds of life around you when your ears are filled with noise.  You might even miss that car that stopped in front of you while you’re reading texts.

Man was not meant to spend hours a day staring at a screen.  

Break away from the devices and discover a new freedom.  Every morning, I’ve been going for a run and leaving my phone at home.  I don’t need it.  I can enjoy my time alone without the urge to check my phone everytime it dings.  Any message or phone call can wait a little while until I get back.  The freedom of being unplugged feels amazing.

If you’re struggling with porn, getting off your device is essential.  Smartphones are dangerous.  In my addiction, I would often be scrolling through my phone late at night, an image would trigger me, then before I knew it, I was on a porn site or messaging someone I should not have been messaging.

If you want to defeat porn addiction, you have to defeat device addiction first.

2. Get Outside

Unplugging allowed me to spend time in the great outdoors.  My family and I rented a small log cabin high up in the Appalachian mountains.  We didn’t have a choice whether or not to be on our devices, we had zero service!  

The air was fresh, the weather was gorgeous, and the views were tremendous.  We went on great hikes enjoying the beautiful scenery.  We spent days exploring God’s amazing creation around us.  

The views of the mountains and valleys were breathtaking.  You’ll never find that natural beauty indoors.

When you’re stuck inside, you miss the natural beauty of the world we live in.  This world can be so ugly and depressing.  Getting outside gets you away from all the negativity.

Nature doesn’t care who’s President, if your team is winning, or what is happening on the other side of the world.  Nature just is.  

Getting outside allows you to soak up the vitamin D from the sun.  Sunshine has been shown time and time again to improve mood and reduce stress.  

To truly unplug, you have to unplug yourself from the indoors.  

3. Spend Time With Those You Love

The greatest benefit of pulling the plug is to be able to spend quality, undistracted time with your family.

I was able to create memories with my wife and children that will last a lifetime.  We had conversations we never normally would have had.  We worked together, as a team and as a family to achieve goals.  

My kids are getting older now.  The time has flown by.  I will cherish this time with them forever.

When you come to the end of your life, you won’t care about the money you made or the corporate ladders you climbed.   You’ll care about the time you spent with the people you love.

When you unplug, it forces you to have conversations and build relationships.  You can’t have a deep discussion with the TV on in the background.  Some of the best conversations I’ve ever had in my life took place on a hiking trail, around a campfire, or even on a golf course.

Men need that personal, undivided interaction with their families and especially with other men.  

Time spent with our closest friends and family is never wasted.

Men, myself included, must get better at pulling the plug.  

No, we can’t always run away to the cabin in the mountains when things get busy. (Although I WILL own one someday.)  But we can find ways in our day to day lives to turn off the devices, get outside, and spend time with those we love.

Whether it’s fighting porn addiction, reducing stress, or simply improving the quality of our lives, it’s time to pull the plug.


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Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my eBook, Power Over Porn: 7 Habits To Crush Temptation.  Implementing these daily habits into my life gave me the strength, courage, and determination to fight back and finally defeat my 15+ year Porn Addiction, and they can do the same for you!

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One-on-one coaching can help you finally break free
from porn addiction once and for all.

  • One-On-One Video Calls
  • Free Book, Living Porn Free: 10 Steps To Recovery, Redemption, and Renewal
  • A custom plan to overcome your addiction
  • Personal access to Timothy for guidance and support
  • Continued accountability and guidance

Why try to find your own path through the darkness?  I’ve been through it.  Let me guide you through.

I’ll provide the accountability you need to finally quit porn.  I’ll show you the steps to living porn free.  I’ll encourage and support you every day to keep fighting for freedom. 

I’ve helped hundreds of men quit porn for good.  

Are you next???