Shhh!!! Don’t Talk About That!

People do a lot of talking these days.

They talk about politics, religion, sports, the weather, what they’re binge-watching.   People are more than happy to gab your ear off about their opinions and how they think things should be.  They’ll tell you all about their lives but never once ask you about yours.  They will drone on and on about topics they can’t control and generally don’t matter.

People like to talk, but it’s often what they DON’T talk about that needs to be talked about most.  

One thing we don’t talk about enough that must be talked about more is Porn.

If you’ve followed me for any length of time, you may think all I do is talk about porn.  And you may be right. But that’s only because the rest of the world refuses to touch the subject.

Porn is often seen as taboo; as something you don’t bring up in normal discourse.  But when 79% of 18-30 year olds regularly watch porn, it’s a topic that needs to be discussed.

The question becomes, why aren’t we talking about Porn?

I believe there are two factors for why porn is not discussed more. 

One side doesn’t want to admit porn is a problem.  

The other side doesn’t want to admit they have the problem.  

The pro-porn crowd doesn’t want you to believe that watching porn is bad.  They make billions off the industry, and they want to keep you hooked.  They push the lies that porn is normal, healthy, victimless, educational, and that everyone does it. 

The sex crazed, decadent culture that we live in wants to sexualize everything.  They want all sexual behavior to be normalized.  They’re trying to sexualize children younger and younger.  Almost every article in every popular magazines has something to do with sex.  Musicians and actors are discussing their sexuality far more than they’re discussing their talent and art.

These people don’t want you to think porn is bad because it destroy’s their hypersexualized agenda.  And sex sells. 

On the opposite end of the spectrum, you have people who don’t talk about porn because they don’t want to admit they struggle with it.

Many communities, especially the church, don’t talk about it enough because they don’t want to admit it’s a problem with them.  They believe they’ll be seen as perverts and broken, weak sinners if they admit they struggle with it.   

These people are ashamed that they struggle with porn and don’t talk about it because they’re scared to admit it.  People will admit to many grave sins long before they’ll admit to being addicted to porn.  It’s too taboo a topic to be discussed.

Both parties are being destroyed by porn and sex addiction but both refuse to talk about it.

Not talking about porn won’t make the problem go away.

There are three major areas where we must begin discussing porn or it will continue to wreak havoc on men.

  1. Parents and Children.

Parents, and especially fathers, must start talking to their kids about porn.  They need to explain the dangers of it, why it’s so addictive, and what they can do to avoid it and quit it if they’re already watching it.  

Father’s aren’t talking to their sons about porn, and their sons are getting addicted at alarming numbers. Maybe it’s because many of the fathers are addicted to porn themselves?

If a father has dealt with it himself, he should be honest and say so.  It’s ok to show vulnerability here.  Say, “Listen son, I’ve been there.  I know what you’re dealing with.  Let me help you.”

It’s not just fathers and sons that need to talk about porn, it’s mothers and daughters too.  Girls are becoming addicted to porn in alarming numbers.  Parent’s need to warn girls of the dangers of watching porn and especially the dangers of sending nudes and sexual images.  Girls today are seeing the dollar signs made on OnlyFans and Instagram and are exposing themselves to the world. 

I’m often asked, “When should I start talking to my kids about porn?”  

I tell people, whatever age you think is appropriate to talk to your kids about porn, start two years before that.

Chances are, your kids have already been exposed.  The conversation cannot begin too soon.  And even if your kids are little, the battle against porn starts long before they even know what sex is.

Talk to your kids about porn.  Like many things, the best time was yesterday, the next best time is today.

  1. The Church

The modern church has done a great disservice to men by not talking more about porn and sex.  

Like many young Christians, all we were taught about sex was “wait until marriage.”  While that’s what should be taught, it can’t end there!  Churches must teach what Biblical sex looks like.   

We must teach that sex is not a bad thing!  God created sex. He meant it to be pleasurable.  Too often, in an effort to encourage abstinence, the church has created the idea that sex is sinful and shameful, when the opposite is true.  

In many churches today, sex is off limits.  It has become the untouchable sin.  Men who struggle with alcoholism have a disease, drug addicts need help, but men who are addicted to porn and sex are just broken perverts.  

The amount of shame surrounding sexual sin in the church has caused immense damage.  Yes, sexual immorality should be condemned, but it is not unforgivable.  

People fear having their sexual sins exposed for fear of being ostracized and shunned.  I believe this is why we hear about so many Christian leaders living double lives.  They would rather admit a million other sins before they admit they struggle with porn and sex.  

If only we’d talk about it, then maybe more men would seek help.  

Christ didn’t condemn the woman caught in adultery in John 8. He forgave her and told her to go and sin no more.  

We must start talking about porn and sex in the church, or it will destroy the church from within.

  1. Society

Some times it seems like the culture we live in only talks about sex.  But in a way, by always talking about it, we never talk about it.  

We’ve become so accustomed to seeing sex everywhere that we are desensitized to it.  In turn, we never actually have conversations about it.  

We must start talking about what a healthy sex life is.  We must start talking about porn and what it’s doing to our society.  We must start talking about the damage this hyper-sexualized culture is causing.  

No longer can we turn a blind eye to porn and just say, “Everyone does it. It must be ok.”

Porn and sexual addiction is destroying marriages, breaking up families, ruining careers, and even in some cases, ending lives. 

Porn is a cancer to society, and unless we start talking about it, it will continue to do damage.

Have the tough conversations.  Bring up the awkward but necessary topic.  Don’t be afraid to discuss porn and sex openly.

Make talking about porn normal.

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Published by Timothy Reigle

I’m Timothy Reigle, the founder of Into The Wilderness Ministries. After overcoming a fifteen year addiction to porn and sex, I have made it my life’s mission to help other men break free from the bonds of addiction. As an author, coach, and chaplain, I work with men to transform their lives by renewing their faith, re-energizing their families, and restoring their masculinity.

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