Who Is Your Best Friend?

I’ve been talking about friendship quite often recently.

It’s an important aspect of men’s lives that very often gets overlooked.

Men have buddies, but it’s becoming rare to have close, intimate friendships.

One comment that has come up repeatedly in my discussions with men regarding friendship is the statement, “my wife is my best friend.”

What men are doing is trying to justify their lack of close male friendships by saying that their wife is their best friend and they don’t necessarily need close male friends.

While not ill-intentioned, this is very shallow thinking and can leave men lacking the close male bonds we need.

Your wife should NOT be your “best friend”.

She should be your most intimate relationship.  

She should be your partner in life.

She should be your lover.

But she should not be your “best friend”.

Now, before you jump all over me, ‪I’m not saying you and your wife shouldn’t be friends.  You absolutely should. If you don’t enjoy each other’s company and love spending time together, your marriage is doomed.

But your wife is SOOO much more than a friend.

She is the counterpart to everything you are.  She is the feminine to your masculine. She is the tenderness to your strength.  She is the mother, you are the father. She is the church bride. You are the bridegroom of Christ.

She is your lover and your bride.

Calling her your “best friend” is actually a demotion to her.

Your wife and your “best friend” are different roles, and we need both in our lives.

I love this quote that Rev. R. Kent Hughes wrote in his classic book, Disciplines of a Godly Man:

Men, if you are married, your wife must be your most intimate friend, but to say, “my wife is my best friend” can be a cop-out. You also need Christian male friends who have a same-sex understanding of the serpentine passages of your heart, who will not only offer counsel and pray for you, but will also hold you accountable to your commitments and responsibilities when necessary.”

Men need those close bonds of brotherly love to thrive as men.  Our “best friend” should be another male who we can confide in, who can support us, and hold our feet to the floor.

He should be someone you can trust completely and be 100% open and honest with.  He should know every deep, dark secret in your life. You should have nothing to lose by opening up to him.  You need to be able to confide in him.  

He should encourage you, support you, and keep you accountable.  He should tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.  He needs to be able to call you out if there’s sin in your life or if you’re starting down a wrong path.

In the realm of sexual addiction, your wife should definitely not be your accountability partner.  That role should be another man who will fight alongside you.  

Your wife should be aware of your addiction and should certainly be a part of your recovery. But there are too many ups and downs for her to be your accountability partner. You need a man, a brother, to be your friend and accountability partner in that battle.

Your wife is your partner in life.  She gives you the opportunity to live out your role as a man.  She allows you to be the leader of the household, to be the husband and the father.  You should provide for her, protect her, and pastor her. 

She should absolutely be the closest, most intimate, and special relationship in your life.

But you need a man to be your “best friend”.  You need a brother to be the person you can share things with only another man will understand and be able to help you with.  

Men need their wives to be their wives.  They need other men to be their brother and “best friend”.

Who is your best friend?

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Published by Timothy Reigle

I’m Timothy Reigle, the founder of Into The Wilderness Ministries. After overcoming a fifteen year addiction to porn and sex, I have made it my life’s mission to help other men break free from the bonds of addiction. As an author, coach, and chaplain, I work with men to transform their lives by renewing their faith, re-energizing their families, and restoring their masculinity.

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