There’s an old adage that says, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.”
The idea is that you can’t build something as great and mighty as ancient Rome quickly. It takes time, effort, and patience to build something that is strong and lasting.
Too many men, in their battles with porn and sex addiction, try to build Rome in a day.
They try to go a month without porn when they’ve never even gone a week. They try to quit “cold turkey” with no plan in place other than “just don’t do it.”
Brothers, this doesn’t work.
You get too far ahead of yourself. You can’t win this battle all at once.
Consistently winning the small battles is how you win the larger war.
The key is to build on small victories in your battle. Sure you might have relapsed twice this week. But you used to look at porn every day. You may have slipped up, but you’re still winning!
The shame of porn makes you think you’re losing the battle. It makes you think, “Well I already screwed this up. I’ll never stop doing this.” and then you give up.
But like so much else about porn, it’s a lie. The truth is you’re finally fighting back. You’re slowly defeating the enemy one small victory at a time.
Reframe your thinking to focus on the victories, not the defeats.
Make it two days without porn? That’s a win.
Consistently spend time with God in prayer, meditation, and Bible reading for a week straight? That’s a win.
Recognize a trigger and realize it’s causing an urge to masturbate? That’s a win.
Even if you do relapse and look at porn, if you take the time afterward to retrace your steps and learn what led you down that path, that’s a win.
Sometimes just making it through the day is one piece is a win.
You have to celebrate those small victories and build on them. Once you get a day, get another. Once you make it through a week, get another. Then a month. Use the small victories to build momentum in the greater battle.
You have been shackled by your addiction for years. You’re not going to defeat it in a day.
In your journaling, list out the wins you have accomplished. Then when the moments come when you’re feeling defeated, you can look at that list of wins and remind yourself you’re still fighting, you’re turning the tide of war.
You haven’t lost the battle until you’ve surrendered.
Rome wasn’t built in a day. Keeping fighting day after day, week after week, month after month.
One day at a time. One battle at a time. One victory at a time.
You can do this brother. I believe in you.
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