How many times has this thought come to your mind, “Why do I keep doing this? I want to quit. I keep trying, but I keep messing up. Why am I stuck?”
This is a thought shared by almost every man who’s ever been addicted. You’re trying so hard to defeat this enemy, yet you keep falling short. You have the motivation. You know you need to fix this. You have tools at your disposal to help you. Yet, time after time, you continue to act out through your addiction.
We are slaves to sin.
Paul writes in Romans 7:
“The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.”
We are all born sinners. Ever since the fall of man, there has been sin in the world. We don’t have to learn how to sin, we are born with it. Our natural inclination is to do the wrong thing. Even though we know in our hearts it is wrong, our sinful nature leads us to do it.
Why are we stuck? Because we are born stuck. It takes more than just willpower to overcome these obstacles in our lives.
If you want to be free, you first have to admit you’re in chains.
First, we have to realize that we are powerless over our sin. We are held captive by our sin. Only by the grace of Jesus Christ and His death on the cross will we ever be free from this sin that lives within us. No matter how hard we try, no matter how determined we may be, we will never be good enough. We will fall on our faces every time.
Second, we have to address the root issue. You cannot defeat porn addiction from the outside in. You can only find victory from the inside out.
If you don’t deal with the inner issues that are causing your addiction, you’re only treating the symptoms. You may have porn blockers on all your devices. You might have a great accountability partner. You can be as motivated and determined as you could possibly be. You will still fall short. Those things may work for a while, but if you don’t deal with the root issue, the addiction will eventually rear its ugly head once again.
It’s like an alcoholic pouring all their booze down the drain. Sure, it gets rid of the temptation, but it doesn’t remove the desire.
Finding freedom requires digging deep to discover the core emotional triggers that are causing the addiction.
Eddie Capparucci, in his book, Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction, writes:
“Cutting off exposure to sexual images and chat are nothing more than a band-aid if we do not get to the root of the addiction. It is an attempt to control the situation by tying his hands and locking him in a box. It does little to change the heart. Worse yet, one day, he will decide to escape from the box, and the results will be ugly.”
Those core emotional triggers are what causes the addiction. Those wounds, that pain, is what we are attempting to self-medicate when we act out through porn and sex. Those are the issues we haven’t learned to cope with in a healthy manner, and instead, we have learned to cope with them through our addiction.
This is why porn addiction has nothing to do with sex but has everything to do with being able to process emotional trauma. These deep inner issues are extremely hard to deal with. That’s why we learned years ago that we could use porn as a salve for that pain.
Until you learn to process negative emotions in a healthy way, you will continue to be stuck.
Winning this battle requires peeling back the layers and layers of bandaids we have covered up those wounds with and learning how to manage them.
We have to break those chains that keep us stuck.
How do we do that?
We are slaves to sin, and only Jesus can break those chains. In fact, He already did. He set us free. He gives us the strength to overcome. Through prayer and meditation, he will help you discover those core emotional triggers that are keeping you stuck in the cycle of addiction
Discipline will never be enough. Trying harder will never be enough. Jesus is the only one who will ever be enough to break the chains of addiction and set you free.
Do you feel stuck?
Turn to Jesus to break you free.
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If at any point you feel like you need a brother to come alongside you and support you, I’ll be there. I’d be happy to get on a call with you to provide personal guidance to create a plan to fight your addiction and accountability to keep you on track. I’ve already helped dozens of men overcome their addictions; all who thought they were helpless. I’ve discovered that every battle with porn shares the same few threads that, once unraveled, release you from the chains of addiction. I’d love for you to be the next success story!