Does Porn Make Me A Bad Man?

Porn makes you feel a lot of things.

It makes you feel good.  It gets you excited.  It allows you to escape from the stresses of life. 

These “good” things only last a short time.

Porn also makes you feel shame, regret, and disgust.  It leads to depression, increased (not decreased) stress, and overwhelming guilt.

Porn can destroy your happiness, your marriage, your family, and your career.  It causes you to avoid your duties as a husband and it takes time away from your children.

Many men might ask themselves, “Does porn make me a bad man?”

This is an understandable question.  Men feel guilt and shame after using porn.  They know they need to stop but can’t.  They know it could ruin everything, but they keep going back.

Is it just because they’re bad men?

No.

Porn doesn’t make you a bad man, it makes you bad at being a man.

Being addicted to porn doesn’t mean you’re a terrible person.  It doesn’t mean you’re just a creepy pervert or that you have this crazy sex drive. But it does make you bad at being a man.  It causes you to fall short in your God-given role as man.  

Let’s look at a few ways porn makes you bad at being a man.

Porn makes you bad at being a husband.

It goes without saying that porn destroys marriages.  You’re giving yourself sexually to strangers online instead of giving your love to your wife.  This leads her to feeling betrayed, cheated on, and makes her think she’s not pretty enough for you.  Instead of supporting her and making her feel safe like a man is supposed to do, she now has to keep her guard up to protect herself from being hurt by you.  

I often say, “Sexless marriages don’t cause porn addiction, porn addiction causes sexless marriages.”  Many men get to the point in their addiction that they don’t even want to have sex with their wife.  They would rather watch porn and masturbate than have the real thing with their spouse.  Eventually, some men can’t even get an erection without porn and are unable to perform when they do go to have sex.  

Your role as a husband is to love, cherish and protect your wife.  Your job is to fill her needs as hers is to fill yours.  If you’re constantly watching porn, there’s no way you can fulfill that role.

Porn makes you bad at being a father.

Adam Lane Smith @TheBrometheus has a saying, “You can’t be a good father to your daughter if you spend your nights masturbating to other men’s exploited daughters.”

Every moment you spend watching porn is time that you’ll never get back.  It’s time that you could have spent with your kids.  At some point, you’ll realize those years flew by and now your kids are older and you lost all that time with them.

I wasted so many years chasing porn and sex that I missed out on so much of children’s early lives. I was there.  It wasn’t like I abandoned them.  But I wasn’t engaged in their lives.  I spent all my time alone on my phone instead of playing with them and teaching them.  Porn was more important than parenting.

In addition to all the wasted time, you are also setting a terrible example for your children.  They see how you treat their mother, they see how you waste your time, and how you run away from all your problems by seeking porn.  Porn addiction has a subliminal effect on children.  You may think it doesn’t really affect them, but they unfortunately see the secondary effects of porn addiction.

A father should be present, engaged, and an example to follow.  You can’t do that if you’re addicted to porn.

Porn makes you bad at being a man

A man takes responsibility for the mistakes in his life and works towards fixing them.  Whereas a man addicted to porn uses sex to escape from the problems in his life.  There’s an old saying, “Everything is about sex, except sex.”  Porn and sex addictions have nothing to do with porn and sex.  They have to do with escaping pain and a failure to properly cope with pain.  In order to be a good man, you have to face your failures, and overcome them.

A true man is a leader. If you’re addicted to porn, you’re not leading your family.  You’re not setting the example of what a good husband and father should be.  Porn addiction causes you to fail in your masculine role as provider, protector, and pastor.

Porn is sin.  A Godly man realizes the scourge of sin in his life, confesses it, and seeks redemption through Christ.  

Porn addiction doesn’t make you bad.  It doesn’t mean you’re evil or beyond help or hope.  

It simply keeps you from fulfilling your role as a man.  It tears you down instead of building you up.  It weakens you instead of being a pillar of strength for your family.  It destroys the trust and intimacy of your marriage and it takes much needed time away from your children.

If you’re struggling with porn addiction, don’t wait any longer.  You can’t afford to continue on this path.  Your family needs you to step up into the role of a man.  You cannot complete this role if you continue in your addiction.

I know it’s easier said than done.  I’ve been there.  But if you truly want to be good at being a man, you must break free from porn.  

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